When all has faded to the darkest shade
and watchful eyes have long since fallen closed
two poets walk in joyous promenade
reflecting over what they have composed
These poets, both the victims of self doubt
find strength within the presence of the other
and though each walks upon a separate route
there is a sameness in what they discover
These lovers march on paths quite far apart
but they are one, for they walk parallel
and one day soon from paths both will depart
for in the end all trails will lead to hell
Together, and apart from all mankind
they stand still, joyously left behind
Author notes
intravenous jesus
A contest entry
- Sonnets, sonnets, and more sonnets by RatherImaginative.
1925 points, ended September 8, 2007, 40 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Lover I Haven't Met by Mc25.
450 points, ended September 17, 2008, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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In the 2nd stanza, the last 3 lines all have too many syllables. In the 3rd line, this can be fixed by abreviating "separate" to "sep'rate", but lines 2 and 4 will just need some reworking. The final line of the couplet is missing a syllable as well. Other than those hiccups, your meter is excellent. This is a lucky pair, to have found in each other inspiration. Such a forboding, however, in the 3rd stanza, perhaps only because of knowing they can't be together forever, but may they enjoy what time they have! Thanks so much for entering my contest!
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=0 This is really good *Hence the "WOW" face* Good luck in the contest
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ohhhh... i loved this one! it's almost melodic and it is... sweet, really- though with a hint of sadness. The only thing i could really comment could improve the poem would be to differenciate and add dimension to the two poets- add scenery and personality into their paths and personnas. But the way you have presented it leaves it almost dreamy and haunting... leaves me wanting to know more.
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