Many stories
wedged between the planks;
wooden secrets
forever untold.
Strangers saunter
along woven pathways;
trickling through bouquets
of once upon a time.
Summer breeze
playing within trodden clover
lifting wings of paradise
in the shape of smiles.
Who passes by
or sits beneath the thickening pine?
An unknown face
with time to spare.
A contest entry
- In the park - contest by jantastic.
700 points, ended August 13, 2007, 7 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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To look at the picture, then at your poem, and how you have woven it, to add to the mysterys parks have and hold, I wonder how many memories a park must have within the soil, the emotions that flow through the air of all that pass through.
Beautifully written poem a joy to read, so creative and easy to read, and see what your words have captured and created.
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The first stanza caught my attention with the unique imagery - wooden secrets. I'd be tempted to try changing "playing" to "play" making that section active voice to match "saunter" above. I believe the plural clover is just the same as the singular and doesn't have an "s" but I could be mistaken, certainly a typo doesn't detract too much overall. There's a soft almost classic feel to this highlighted by some of your word choices. I like "trodden" and I do like the last line (although I think I'd end just with a period rather than the elipses). Nicely done, thank you.
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well, the last two lines really.
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that last line is a grabber..loved it!
What a scenic, and poetic look at a park.
Excellent entry for this contest, very skillfully woven.
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Such a peaceful sense in this! Clever use of form; space and metaphor - as always from your good self - just saunters one image after another, straight into those deep calm places we all have. Wonderful!
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Beautifully done to the prompt, can see it all unfold as I read. Love, C
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