I gazed upon a midnight sky
as the death of a star
came fleeting by
lightening fast speed
I tried to embrace it,
what a beautiful moment
I didn't want to waste it
I held fast to the hope
it had left in my soul,
arms wrapped around it tightly,
never would I let go,
and then it's peace found me,
glittering and shining upon my window sill,
you tried to break the child,
but she retained her will.
and the brightness that found her
whispered it sweet peace,
from your lies that bound her
she found euphoric release.
A contest entry
- Have You Blessed Me With a Gold??? ENTER HERE! by Paloszoo.
1200 points, ended July 2, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 48 of 48
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OH........ MY GOODNESS, love the poem. picture is well described
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I like this a lot. I like the rhyme and the flow of the piece. I also like the imagery. Very well done for this. This is a great piece of poetry.
Forever in Darkness
Wayne Leon
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Very sad, yet a happy twist at the end. I could relate to this poignant piece. Lovely job. Just one note. You misspelled "glittering" in the 4th stanza. Thanks for entering my contest and showing your work here. It's an honor to read it
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Very beautiful imagery. I really enjoyed it. Fantastic!
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INTELLIGENT WRITE
Well done, beautifuly written in such a graceful manner. all in great hope that this could come true. very wisemy friend. peace be with you
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Such sweet power
You are allowing your words to strengthen you and that is good. This is a very well written piece. Good flow and imagery. Thanks for sharing
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soothing, beautiful, and filled with hope. overall, a wonderful poem.
thanks for sharing. <3 -
She's finding her own personal escape from a world that would keep her down. This is filled with hope and a sense of renewal. Thank you for sharing.
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Finally
escaping the ties that bind, no better feeling than that. I like how you mingled life's struggles with the midnight sky beautiful write my friend..............Z
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beautiful
I like this. just remember you are the victor. you are winning the battle. you are a survivor. I been there also myself. my poetry gets my feelings out. God Bless you my friend.
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Absolutely Stunning
So uplifting. Beautiful words.
Awesome.
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This is such a beautiful poem you've penned out for us to read. It leaves such a feeling of peace and solace, a renewal. I love the use of language you used for it, too, because it could be taken literally or metaphorically. Either way, it reads in such a meaningful manner, and it's amazing what such a simple event or action can do for somebody sometimes. Great job.
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This is written from a position of strength, hope can come from no where else. The hope comes through brilliantly. Well written. Geo
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I gazed upon a midnight sky
as the death of a star
came fleeting by
I love this line
It's beautifully done
there's a certain moment captured in this...stillness
and I also love the hope it gives.
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i like the great feeling of overcoming obstacles
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Awesome!
I really like this piece! I think it was beautifully done. Nice story.
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This is beautiful. I love the hope you expressed...peace you that found you, in spite of what was done. Euphoric release from the lies that bound you. Yes!
Very touching, dear sis!
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nice use of words a great write. keep it up
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Thanks for commenting.. this poem is actually about my therapy and recovery of childhood abuse..the star represents my hope being renewed. I appreciate your commenting on grammer and etc. But this is a finished work..it is perfect in my eyes..it represents exactly how I was feeling.. the part of breaking the child, is directed to the abuser.
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A blooming rose.
Beautiful, absolutely beautiful. A couple of things i'd like to mention.
"and then it's peace found me,
gliterring and shining upon my window sill,
you tried to break the child,
but she retained her will."
The third line, "you tried to break the child" confuses me slightly, is it directed to the star? There is nobody else mentioned in the parts before it.
I think working on the structure and gramma of the peice would greatly help the flow of the poem, but i know myself how it is when you get online and something just comes to you. You write it down as it comes. I recommend taking the time and loving this peice enough to work on it till it shines brighter than a shooting star. Thankyou so much for sharing.
Sincerely,
Stitches.
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lovely poem you did a wonderful job hope you will keep going
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Thank you for commenting.. I am glad you understand the metaphors and symbollisim.
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thanks you so much for commenting.
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"you tried to break the child,
but she retained her will." Really strong line!
This is a beautiful poem
I liked the connection you made between the dying star and her dying hope. But then it comes back and releases her just as it too has been released! -
I gazed upon a midnight sky
as the death of a star
came fleeting by
lightening fast speed
I tried to embrace it,
what a beautiful moment
I didn't want to waste it
I held fast to the hope
it had left in my soul,
arms wrapped around it tightly,
never would I let go,
.............
Its a Beautiful poem.
I'm glad i found it and read it.
so Thank You!
4 writing it.
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No it isn't easy > itake it day by day. Some days are good, some , not so much.. but I have hope, that the soon the good days will far out number the bad.
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Thanks for commenting, this is one of my favorite works..I appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts on it.
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full of hope and sorrow
It sounds like we have alot in common. Iam really glad that you found the inner strength to not allow youself to be stolen away. Good for you. It isn't easy is it? -
This is very beautiful and the picture represents the poem so well. I loved the flow and I hope you keep writing such beautiful writes.
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this is a very beautiful write. i love how you captured the true beauty of being at peace with oneself. great write.
Rob -
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Thank you so much.. I am not quite at the same place as I was when I wrote it..but that is how the path to healing goes. Though, I know, that soon, I will have that peace once again..and I will embrace it.
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Wow, so beautiful.
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Thank you so much
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Thank you for commenting. I appreciate it. I was feeling a lot of inner peace when I wrote this. I look forwarding to finding my way back to that place again, soon.
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Hope always makes one feel better...This was a great poem of being released from past chains of misery!
Return the favor?
I lved teh pic as i love dragons, magic and fantasy~
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Thank you.. it was very much about me being released from my past..
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This is a beautifully inspiring poem of hope, inner peace, written with sincerity of emotion. A superb piece
Dee
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thank you so much.. I am glad you liked it.
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nice
the last stanza is absolutely beautiful -
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Thank you.. the peice was a very personal and emotional write for me.
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Very good
and the brightness that found her
whispered it sweet peace,
from your lies that bound her
she found euphoric release.
Great ending for this verse
Well said in words
Rick
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LOL, I often write horrible and dark, but at that time, I was feeling a lot of release from my past. It has reared it's ugly head again, but I am strong, and I will defeat it.
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A very nice write..I thought I would be reading something horrible and dark...smiles..
Excellent piece..
Thanks for sharing
~A~
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beautiful!
you said you could only write sad stuff! How wrong you were! I really love this piece. I think it speaks to your incrediable strength. I'm lucky to have you as a friend! -
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ty so much..
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Thanks K.
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awsome
I like this write, keep up the good work.
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