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Shh Whisper

Shh, whisper, or the past is going to get you...
Shh, whisper, you don't want to die...
Shh, whisper, and nothing bad can get through,
In this place where even truth is lie.

Be quiet, so the monsters will not find you...
Be quiet, or you will be caught...
Be quiet, you know my words are all true,
In this place where even time is bought.

Don't move, lest the darkness find you...
Don't move, it is coming near...
Don't move, it is coming into view,
In this place where the only truth is fear.

Scream, run, cause I'm gonna get you...
Scream, run, you will never survive...
Scream, run, I'm on the back of your shoe,
In this place where your past is alive.

Author notes

opt. 26/27

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 24 of 24

  • wingsofgold25 silver member
    May 29, 2008

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    very well written piece it was well structured and flowed nicely. Thank you for your entry and good luck in the contest.


  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    May 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Well said, I can relate so well to what you have said here!


  • BeautifullyBroken42
    April 3, 2008

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    Wonderful entry. Thanks for following the rules. It was a wonderful write. Yes it was scary! And thrilling!! well done!

    ~Ruth~


  • Angieh
    April 3, 2008

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    What a great piece. Your imagery was wonderful. I love how you tied the truth that even lies, to the past we all seek to escape. Great Job! and good luck with the contest.


  • TabbyCat
    March 27, 2008
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    Scary...thanks for waking me up and making me wish I wasn't alone in this building


  • lostangel07
    March 26, 2008
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    This is a piece I would love to hear read outloud. It is creepy, in a thrilling way. Good job.


  • Nikki Rowles
    March 16, 2008
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    nice write than you for entering and good luck


  • XHollowXEyesX
    September 25, 2007

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    hmm this is such an interesting write. I love the style that you used to express the past, so different and enjoyable to read. almost can read it as a scary lullaby.
    thanks for entering
    All the best
    ~Hollow~


  • TheDemonEve
    September 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Superbly rhymed and very eerie. I like this and I do think I would write something similar. Very well done!

    Best of luck and thanks for entering!

  • Seeking Peace silver member
    September 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is a really good piece you have here... well done

    Thank you for taking the time to enter your favourite prewrite in this contest, I wish you the very best of luck

    Karen


  • lexie like woah
    September 2, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    great write, it is pretty suspenseful, which is a good thing because thats what kept me wanting to read more of it. one question: how does this fit into my contest? thanks for entering and best of luck in the contest


    • Austere
      September 2, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      5

      I'm sorry for not letting you know. I feel this fits under 5 in your contest. It is about memories being all we have left of something. In this case, it is holding on to something I don't want to. A past I'd rather forget, but can't. The torments of that memory. If you don't think it fits, that's ok.

      • lexie like woah
        September 3, 2007

        Edit | Reply
        thats fine, you use the option creativly... i feel your pain, theres alot of pasts id rather forget, but cant. thanks


  • XxMysticalFantasyxX
    August 31, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is a very interesting write! I really enjoyed reading it and I cannot wait to read some more of your poetry!!! Keep writing You are very talented!!


  • Jonathan ROBIN
    August 27, 2007

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    Playing on fear

    Playing on fear can in turn feed upon fear's fear of fear itself though nightmares may be foreign to some life experiences - present company included.


    The context is effective and the repetition does more than get its word in edgeways ... somehow one prefers to stand and fight rather than to defer to apprehension of not knowing what fears may come when we have "shuffled off this mortal coil that flesh is heir to"


  • vierna
    August 27, 2007

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    I can see why this was a contest entry. good luck in it...as this poem really rocks!! I love it! Great job. I love the imagery it conjured up for me!


  • Ahkam silver member
    August 27, 2007
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    ShUsh!

    Shee!!! Be quiet, so the monsters will not find you...
    Nice expression of fear.


  • Whisper Mckee
    August 27, 2007
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    I like this reminds me of stories told around camp fires.


  • Aurielle
    August 22, 2007

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    I didn't feel quite any emotions here. I don't want to be hearsh but its not strong for this contest please read my rules


  • Ale E
    August 12, 2007

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    A very powerful piece like someone already has said. My favorite stanza was your beginning one. Very good. Thank you very much for entering. I wish you the best of luck in my contest!
    Always keep writing.
    aleXOX

  • LaurenLightning--x
    August 12, 2007

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    Wow,
    This is such a powerful piece.
    When reading it I feel all tense like I don't know what's going to happen, quite scary!
    I love the lines :

    Shh, whisper, and nothing bad can get through,
    In this place where even truth is lie.

    And there is some beautiful imagery in this.

    Thank you for entering and good luck!!


  • Violent Serenity
    August 11, 2007

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    Very Very Well Done!! great job in this creation, i almost thought i should turn around and expect someone there! keep it up! good luck in the contest!


  • Jasmine Rayne
    August 8, 2007

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    This poem is very deep and moving. I think you have a lot of talent. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck.


  • Amera gold member
    August 7, 2007

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    You take the dark genre and make it your own. This is wonderful, the repetition in each stanza gives the piece power in image digging deep into the reader’s mind. I love it when I see originality like this, you should be proud.

    Love,
    Amera ♥

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