I can hear your footsteps,
calling to me,
telling me where to find you,
in this vast, cold city.
Buildings crowd,disguising my form,
silently padding, coming
listening to your heart,
your blood unwillingly humming.
Shadows and dark,
your skittering run,
you sense my hunting,
Can i find you before the sun.
My smile glares,
in the fog of the night,
I've got you,
little pleasurble flutters of fright.
My hand clutches your fiery hair,
bright enough to rival the dark,
Your face flushed,
your features pale and stark.
I hold you in my grasp,
touching, savoring, smelling
the human essence
my hunger swelling.
Your pulse beats beneath
my hardened palm, mine;
your neck tightening,
anticipation divine.
My breath
hot against your skin, snow falling,
my teeth nip
blood sensually calling.
Your eyes widen,
my heart threatens to beat,
but it does not,
teeth sink through your heat.
Your body limp,
in all its black lace,
blood red haze,
obscures your face.
There should be more of a fight,
A struggle, a plea
pale face and empty eyes,
but in the end you are free.
The red trickles down your pale chest,
i lay my rose, on victims i bestow;
there it lay on your skin
as blood upon the snow.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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i like this poem. my favorite part is when you use the contrast of blood on snow. i am with thoudreamchild on that point. and it does look a little sloppy when you do not capitalize all things in your poem.
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First - a few things that you should correct.
"can i find you before the sun."
Can I find you before the sun?
"a struggle, a plee"
A struggle, a plea
I do like this poem. I've always liked the contrast of blood on the snow. =] One piece of advice, if you're going to put a poem in all lower case - keep it consistent. Its kind of sloppy to have certain things capitalize when you're not putting emphasis on it and then having other things not capitalized.
Other than that, I think I like this one the best. =]
~thoudreamchild
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Thank you
Thank you for ur constructive criticism. I'm usually a stickler when it comes to grammer...but sometimes i just don't notice things. I made the necessary corrections...thanks again.
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sweet its so kool and dark i like it
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Excellent write, dark and sensual...
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Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment...this poem was kind of spur of the moment...im glad you liked it.
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