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By Julia C. R. Dorr's Grave

 

I find your epitaph engraved
  in a limestone monument,
picketed by a lush green ring
  of tall thin cedar pines.

A poem fragment eulogy
  etched beneath your name
sends you deep into the dark
  to greet your long dead love.

Your kindred and your ancestors
  lay feet to every wind,
as if to guard in rest the names
  engraved at every head.

A simple headstone marks your plot
  a few feet to the north,
your shortened name embossed atop
  the pale plutonic spar.

I read your epitaph out loud
  and feel a dizzy spell
pierce my sense of thought and sight
  with heavy shades of light.
 
The only gift I have to give
  are little bits of song,
and so I sing your words to you
  and to your buried love.

Three thousand miles, and here I stand,
  uncertain why I came
just to sing your words to you,
  to touch your graven name.

A soft wind fans the cedars' scent
  across your plots of earth;
two giant white oaks, east and west,
  sentinel your peace.

Flies, mosquitoes, beetles come
  to search my searching eyes;
a near-white caterpillar scales
  the letters of your name.

Around your monument I stroll
  and play my bamboo songs
which echo down across the stones
  that mark a thousand graves.

The bamboo echoes fade away;
  I thank you for the gift
your inspiration gave to me
  for years, and years to come.

 

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Comments

1 - 14 of 14

  • Rizzie gold member
    August 13

    Edit | Reply
    these words you use,
    they convey more emotion then i'd expect from a simple poem.
    this is a wonderful write. every line is another strong feeling. you're very talented. great write


    • Zahhar gold member
      August 18
      ?
      Edit | Reply
      This hopefully means that this isn't a simple poem. Right?

      Glad you enjoyed Rizzie. Thanks for your thoughts.
  • sgking123
    July 3

    Edit | Reply

    excellent

    I like this poem for its affinities with medieval and Old English verse, especially the ritual chants and rhymes of blessing - this captures the feeling of benediction verywell indeed, while the mystical/pagan undertones of words related to graves and epitaphs which add to the overall effect.I liked these lines helluva lot:


    Three thousand miles, and here I stand,
    uncertain why I came
    just to sing your words to you,
    to touch your graven name.
    thanks fot sharing .Please visit my poetry for possible comments.

    • Zahhar gold member
      July 6
      Edit | Reply
      Julia Dorr is actually one of the poets to inspire me to study and write poetry myself. I have two of her poems fluidly memorized, which I sing, and two more vaguely memorized, which I could rehearse and recite in short order. I wrote this after driving from the west coast to the east coast to visit her grave, a one week trip each way, plus a week long visit while I was there. It was a very good experience for me.

      I also ended up getting to visit the house she lived in, and got a tour from its current owner. Very very positive experience, with lasting implications I think.

  • hiraeth
    May 20

    Edit | Reply
    You write poems in/about graveyards, too? My mates think I'm mad for it. I wrote a similar poem a few years back, but it was nowhere near as good as this.

    I very much enjoyed your command of metre, and even though it's technically free verse, it worked very well and flowed excellently. You've done a great job of establishing an atmosphere with your diction -- I especially liked "sentinel your peace." The one thing I found a bit wordy, however, was "of tall thin cedar pines."

    Excellent piece. Thanks for sharing.

    -Cristina

  • Samhuinn
    May 10

    Edit | Reply

    kewl xD

    I have to say, ireally liked your poem!
    Usally, poems use al those big, pooffy words, and loose themselfs within those.
    this is not the matter with this poem, it stayed downtoearth in its own, space-y way, and kept my attention.
    i especially liked the:
    your epitaph engraved
    in a limestone monument,
    picketed by a lush green ring
    of tall thin cedar pines.
    sends you deep into the dark
    to greet your long dead love.
    -part
    it really gave my chills, especially in comparison to the 'Three thousand miles, and here I stand,
    uncertain why I came' -line

    keep up the good work, and let me know if u write another gem like this!

  • acari27 gold member
    February 19

    Edit | Reply
    This is more my style- though I admit Id never heard of her or read her poetry.

    The notion of you playing around her grave was touching - Im not really a fan of touching- Im more of a cynic, but this wasnt overly sentimental, just simple and respectful

    I particularly liked

    your epitaph engraved
    in a limestone monument,
    picketed by a lush green ring
    of tall thin cedar pines.
    sends you deep into the dark
    to greet your long dead love.

    Your kindred and your ancestors
    lay feet to every wind,

    your shortened name embossed atop
    the pale plutonic spar.

    I sing your words to you
    and to your buried love.

    Three thousand miles, and here I stand,
    uncertain why I came

    A soft wind fans the cedars' scent
    across your plots of earth;

    I stroll
    and play my bamboo songs
    which echo down across the stones




    . Rewarded 8


  • child of grace
    February 17

    Edit | Reply
    well, I dont have as much to say as everyone else below....but I did enjoy reading your poem. The flow, the imagery, it was all very lovely. I read it with a thoughtful tone...i dont know if that was your intention...but part of the greatness of poetry is that different perceptions can interpret things differently.
    Either way, it was a great piece!!!
    Cheers,
    S

  • Adios Muchachos gold member
    January 11

    Edit | Reply

    Hi Erin

    I've become very familiar with graveyards. I lost five of my family in seven years. Most, or at least part of the remains of each are out at the State Park about 40 miles north of Las Vegas. It is against the park's rules to spread ashes or the like, but it was a promise kept for a promise made.

    Very atmospheric poem!

    Many people would argue that a cemetery has no ambiance,
    but I would disagree. You can pray in a cemetery, or not.
    And you will never hear it said, "I can't hear myself think!" there.
    But mostly though, you can believe what you wish there.

    I regret that I've no real critical observations on this.
    It is a very good poem. It is something we all can relate to, though not many people have taken the pains to record it.

    Don't forget to send me tickets when you get your Pullitzer!LOL

    John-Las Vegas, Nevada

    . Rewarded 8


  • Rj
    December 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Hi Erin,

    This is a really nicely done free verse. And it's pleasant to finally meet you graveside. I think every poet needs to stop by the cemetary occaisionally; for inspiration, for expression, for introspection, or maybe for redemption, but always, the experience is personal and subjective. And this poem felt that way to me. It isn't easy to convey introspection but the feeling of space and the bugs helped to internalize the write to the reader. I like the way you crafted this poem with images that appeal to the senses and a soft pastel pallet of texture and color. The poem is more emotionally affective than many of your more technically superior writes.

    That said...

    As to form: Small critique, The line 'to search my searching eyes;' seems a little unbalanced a long vowel like the "E" in sear or tear would slow the read a little and give you a slightly smoother discordance for the effect. "Erch - erch" might be just a little grating. I don't think the sibilants are strong enough to offset the effect without a long vowel.

    As to content, Graveyard poems are great places to add images of overgrown vines, ivy and moss covered stones to denote the passage of time. You hinted at time, with "long dead.." but an image might have been starker. Yes, it's a little cliche, but the effect of a little weathering and neglect make the other images more poingient. I know you prefer to write in the moment, whereas I rather prefer the feeling of movement in the 4th dimension, so this is not a criticizm, rather a suggestion next time you stop by an old cemetary... just spend a while reading the dates, observe the decay on the stones and the pattern of rainwash on the enscriptions. Or otherwise perhaps the smell of fresh earth and wilting flowers might make a nice chronological contrast... (unrelated sidethought). Almost want to go back to the cemetary myself now.

    Last note... The epitaph on the stone. This really has me torn. You opened this can of worms and oddly it feels voyeristically unsatisfactory not to know what poetry is engraved there. I suppose you didn't address it because it didn't enhance your write or embellish you point... I tried to look it up on line but didn't find a suitable link, so I'll just let it go.

    All in all a real pleasure to catch this write. Although I've found some general improvement in the poetry on this site, craftsmanship still doesn't seem to be a virtue among many of our 'contemporaries'. If anyone should misread my remarks and comments and in some way disparaging to the work, they should know that I could have used much greater space to explain what makes it moving and slick, but fact is the author knows exactly what he did right and how he got there.

    Rainbows,

    ~RJ~

    . Rewarded 8


  • Reece Magic gold member
    December 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    A

    A nice sweet delicate piece. It is a poem of peace, peaceful and serene. It has a calmness to it that makes it a good read. The point though is not clear but the subject makes that so. Well done. Though a freewrite, at one point it seemed that it would be a rhyming poem, then it went back to freewrite. It can throw the reader off. But all and all, you did well with this poem. Get the right person to read it, and it will have a calming influence on most.
  • Zinzo
    November 23, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Great

    This is a great piece you really are a very talented writer the flow in this work is amazing. The only line I had a little trouble with is in the ninth verse where you use the word search twice in a row but that is just a personal thing. This is very good work andI thank you for sharing.

    . Rewarded 6

  • Kay Laon Anders
    August 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Full of Peace

    I have always wondered if the dead....or now more alive than ever....could see us and even hear us....and if they could were they troubled by what they saw and heard....i have always supposed not but never have known for sure...


    "Three thousand miles, and here I stand,
    uncertain why I came
    just to sing your words to you,
    to touch your graven name."


    This stanza seems to be the poems heart...it's what makes it tick and I suppose that is why it is my favorite stanza out of all of them.



    "The only gift I have to give
    are little bits of song,
    and so I sing your words to you
    and to your buried love."


    It is almost like you wish you had known her and even been a part of her life since she was apart of yours.



    "As bamboo echoes fade away,
    I thank you for the gift
    your inspiration gave to me
    for years, and years to come."

    I like the emotion in this....it can be felt instead of imagined...I don't like to have to imagine emotion...it doesn't sit well with me...it leaves a bland flavor in my mind but not this time...this was very colorful....great write....hope you found what you were looking for...

    Kay Laon





    • Zahhar gold member
      August 6, 2007

      Edit | Reply
      "It is almost like you wish you had known her and even been a part of her life since she was apart of yours."

      I think you've captured it in full, Kaylers. Thank you for your untarnished unreserved insight.
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