He’s breaking your ♥
&& bruising your pelvis
At the same time
Your nicotine ♥break
Will hurt you more than
Your cigarettes && cyanide ever could
Don’t fall for those slurred words
They’re all apart of those promises not kept
--strung out && b r o k e n more than an old cassette
You’ll never be the masterpiece
The one he expects you to paint
You’re just a piece to a puzzle
Or so he says
I bet you’re wishing you could’ve died from cancer now.
I warned you about .him.
Author notes
Inspired by SoCo's song- Fall off of 'Leaving Through The Window'
There was one line in the song about Cigarettes and Cassetts that made me write this. :]
Feel free to DQ this
Its Crapppp
PaintedParisPassion
A contest entry
- something corporate by Dancing Marionette.
525 points, ended August 10, 2007, 6 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - [LoveAQuickie] by whiterabbit..
450 points, ended August 18, 2007, 21 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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I like this a lot. There is a lot of meaning in it. Great Job!
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well done. had heart and yet came off confidently heartless if that makes sense I liked this.
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Oh man, I love this. It's fanatastic! Absolutely amazing.
I bet you’re wishing you could’ve died from cancer now. -
This is a really great piece. I reallyreallyreally like this!! It has a lot of emotion packed between the words & I can definately relate to the situation.
Keep penning
♠ -
Lies and betrayal are far worse than anything else & addiction and dying from a disease seems easier than facing you've been treated this way. What a tragedy, I did warn you about him... True line, but sometimes advice when needed is never heeded. Beautiful write and relatable to many, I am sure. Certainly to me, anyway.
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this is a great piece.
i mean DAMN. Im speachless. great job
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thanks
im glad you liked it
:]
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OMFG
wow this was SO amazing
FUCK
seriously wow im so adding you to be favorites
this was so amazingg!
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i actually really like this just don't like the way you used the sybol heart instead of the word but thats just one of my lil pet peeves.Nicotine break.. hmm i do like it though/ Not meeting up to the world's standards.
"You’ll never be the masterpiece
The one he expects you to paint
You’re just a piece to a puzzle"
THat is deff my fave art of all
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In agreement with drunktanklullaby I read it as 'nicotine break.' Other than that, like wow. this is great. This is now the second thing of the morning that has made my heart skip a beat. Its brilliant.
keep up the great work.
hugs n luvvs
xxxxxx
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lmao.
I just went to copy and paste my favorite bit... and ended up copying the whole first three stanzas.
Which is a good sign about the piece, but you've already read your poem, so me reposting it wouldn't be helpful, eh?
anyway... I liked this A LOT. the third stanza especially is incredible. I do have one suggestion... where you used the ♥ symbol in the second stanza, when I first read it I read it as "nicotine break" instead of "nicotine heartbreak" and I think maybe spelling it out might be a bit more effective.
But, as always, it's your piece, and a kick ass one at that. So, well done. -
This is so not crap at all. I love it. This is really wonderful and I absolutely adore the title. Great job on this.
xx -
So, this is not crap. It is wonderful. I love it all.
"He’s breaking your ♥
&& bruising your pelvis
At the same time"
love it!!
Great job : ] -
hey....this is great. where did you get the idea that this was crap???? i like it a lot. i love the phrase "nicotine heartbreak" and the lick
"You’ll never be the masterpiece
The one he expects you to paint
You’re just a piece to a puzzle"
pinche dp writer. it's pinche awesome pinche babe -
mmmm... I love dirty-pretty. But I think your style could use a little more development-- a few more adjectives and off-beat descriptions you know?
Other than that, good write!
.:marie:. -
Really nice write =]
Really like the second stanza
-x-
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miss brandi
this is not crap.
at all.
and HELLO inspired by SoCo pretty much means that its off the chain of amazingness.
so there is no damn way I could DQ this.
Not to mention, it reminds me of Andrew.
So seriously... its staying right where it is bby.
ily -
Mm, loving the first stanza there babe.
The sincerity the narrator seems to speak with is perfect.
I can see someone singing these words slowly in a venue disguised as an old diner, && it's lovely.
-Allura
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Ohohohoho I loveee this.
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