in exactly a month it'll have been
1 year since the day that tragedy[and lightening] struck so close to home
i've been dripping daises onto yellowed canvas
wishing i could undo what happened
&
i've been painting your smile in my mind as to never forget it
underneath it all
i'm itching for something more to say about this
but my mind is exhausted and my stare is blank
i knelt in the dirt and i swear
i felt you tap-tap-tapping from below
Author notes
FUCK, Die, Heaven, Storm, Safety, Memory
Jewels and rickets
A contest entry
- Make Me Feel Again by lilblueeyesmine1978.
525 points, ended January 15, 2009, 55 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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tons of emotion. Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest and life in general. I really loved the emotion in this great yet simple write. Well all have theses days when we totally miss a loved one. It does get better over time. I promise.
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I have to stop reading your work! I love them all! You just write so gripping and soft at the same time. I love all of it, but the image you created with "I've been dripping daises onto yellowed canvas..." and the last 2 lines, powerful and reminiscent of Edgar Allan Poe. Talk about a gripping poet. Have you ever checked him out?
Blessings,
Doris
(Mom)
-
damn baby.
"i've been dripping daises onto yellowed canvas
wishing i could undo what happened
&
i've been painting your smile in my mind as to never forget it
underneath it all
i'm itching for something more to say about this
but my mind is exhausted and my stare is blank
i knelt in the dirt and i swear
i felt you tap-tap-tapping from below"
your writing has really grown-- have you noticed? In my opinion at least, it's taken on this sage-like tone.
♥
xoxxx -
'underneath it all
i'm itching for something more to say about this
but my mind is exhausted and my stare is blank
i knelt in the dirt and i swear
i felt you tap-tap-tapping from below '
Wow I loved that park, it's also so dark and sad. I just really loved that verse, it took such a different turn, and in a way it was dark but not increasingly. Lovely and all the best in the contest.
<33
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oh my gosh doll
i fucking love this
i agree with mildew in the pink tile;
that was utter gold
i love it
&& you
xx
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hun to be honest i loved both of them! but wow.. this image POPPED out like nothing else:
"i've been dripping daises onto yellowed canvas
wishing i could undo what happened
&
i've been painting your smile in my mind as to never forget it"
thats just so beautiful darlin'. and damn sad as hell.. but i love this.
& ily! <3
♥
-
I bookmarked this already.
I think I'm going to print this out
when I get back.
"i've been dripping daises onto yellowed canvas"
I LOVED THAT.
It's so beautiful and
the whole stanza,[piece] is so sad,
yet so gripping.
Love it.
<333
ily ♥
~Princess of Shadows~
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