still see that ice cold grin you gave me
on the last day you were with me
where I should've had your love
and now you’ve left with all negativity
feel this as I set these emotions free
really I wish you weren't such a w-h-o-r-e
without all that drama you think you'd be a bore
still remember your lies
made an already bitter soul cry
lately I just can't help but snap
and I...
ask...
was our friendship was worth your while
did I only cramp your style
girls never say they're sorry
despite all the evidence that you were wrong
you'll never worry
why
whisper to me
why did you insist on bringing me down
wouldn't tell you but it made me want to drown
drown the good memories
take
take all these painfully confused thoughts away
give me something happy to say
I want you to remember the days
remember the days when
we would laugh like the good friends we were
we had zero problems
I thought it was meaningful recreation
but I'm realizing it was just a waste of energy
why did you give me reasons to dislike you
I recall when you started getting haughty
with your groupie lifestyle
with all those drugs you couldn't stop takin'
I guess that's somethin' I'll never understand
why your kind has to disregard me like that
wanna to cut you from my rabid world
make you feel the poison you’ve injected into me
and I'm just a boy who tries to make things happen
always building the bridge for affection only to regret it later
still the scenarios playing in my head
revealing that I’m sick of you too
sick of that knife
you didn't mind stabbing me with everyday
and now you'll understand why
I'm justified
why it's so hard to believe what you say
so just go on your way
I'll stand in the middle of time
smiling
inside an exhausted mind you didn't want
thanks for everything
thanks for everything you never gave me
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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i think druggies are most concerned about their drug(s) of choice. they love other people but not themselves. the drugs wedge themselves into a druggie's relationships. people on drugs are not reliable until they become clean. okay enough preachin'
it's good to let these feelings out whether it by through talking or writing or hitting a punching bag.
i really liked the line 'I'll stand in the middle of time smiling'
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I think you have avery good start. It needs some revision. Some lines don't make sense gramaticaly, I just suggest running it through a spell check and you'll be fine. Also, you seem to start out with a rhyme scheme, and then you just lose it half way through the poem. Maybe you could revise that too.
Anyways, I think you got your point across. And if this girl ever read this, she'd probabaly think twice before breaking someone else's heart again. -
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I wanted a bit of randomness and lack of structure. Every time I added a solid rhyme scheme it felt contrived, so I opted out of it. Thank you, this girl needs to grow up a realize that there's something seriously wrong with her.
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Yea, I like it
Just that you vented, didn't hold back your thoughts or feelings or try to sugar coat
I think it could use a little more structure or a tad bit of a rhyme scheme though. You started with one, but it sort of disintegrated. Though in a way, it turned out for the better. Your rhyming felt a little forced.
However, babe, I'd like to stand up for myself and say not ALL girls are like that. I'll grant you that some are- I personally have had a few issues with my "own kind" as of late. A lot of girls don't think anything of lying and cheating and acting dumb because they think its attractive and gets people's attention.
Well, I guess negative attention is still attention...
Anyways, I guess what I'm trying to say is not to label all girls as such. Just keep a watchful eye on who you keep close, because some day you'll find a girl who'd probably bitch slap a girl for doing what this girl did to you.
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Let me tell you, I've met some girls who should have hated ME, but they had such a forgiving spirit we stayed friends. What I meant by "your kind" wasn't girls in general, it's the snooty ones. Thanks for your encouragement and insight; it really helps.
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well as a female, i do have to say that NOT ALL of us are like this!
some of us treat guys like toys, and play with their emotions, but the majority of us actually fall deeply in ♥ and cherish every moment we have with our respective other!
This was a really wrong representation of women...but very well written on the other hand!
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I agree with you. I don't hold any hatred towards women at at all, I'm just a little embittered by what's happened to me. Read some of my love poems; I like girls very much.
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This is surely something that might be well deserved if it really happened. I hope that you feel better later. I do know the pain in this peice, and glad that it's been posted.
Thanks for writing. -
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Yes indeed, her name was Shannon and she was a drug user. Also, your wishing me to feel better goes a long way.
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very powerful indeed!pretty challanging attitude you have in here!loved it truly!very well penned!keep up!
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Thanks for your time in appreciating the power in these words.
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Wow... this is crazy powerful. I really know this feeling, I've been there. Girls are such drama, and about 90 percent of the time it so isn't worth it.
It's good to see someone getting trough the toughest times and it really seems like you've grown from everything.
The only thing I would suggest would be to rethink some of the slang. I get that it keeps with the almost conversational tone of the poem, but that "ya" really stuck out like a sore thumb to me. Also... please change the background, it makes it really hard to read.
Overall, this was fantastic, keep up the amazing work!
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Thanks for your insightful comment! I like to say that girls and boys are similar beings; we just express ourselves differently. I took your advice as well.
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