Common senses
cordoned off
with red tape painted gold-
young ideals
in boxes locked
lie dead in goldfish bowls.
Children bound
like leather books
(we hear the muffled moans)-
cities
side-streets
public parks
now no-go deadly zones.
Author notes
The claustrophobic society in which we live, not allowed to think for ourselves, every thought and action controlled by governments and bureaucrats. Everyone can see what's going on, but nobody speaks up, because they know they'd be ignored even if they did, that's why nothing ever changes. The result is a resentful, angry society.(Floorboards)
In a list
A contest entry
- Giving 1800 points for my birthday – a quickie contest open to all adults! by sandgoddess.
1800 points, ended August 20, 2007, 28 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - All Great Poets are Dead and Crazy by alexandrathegreat.
800 points, ended September 1, 2007, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give Me Your Best Poem by AshtrayBaby.
2100 points, ended August 22, 2007, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pretty Much Anything by lesbian-in-love.
450 points, ended August 24, 2007, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - LOTS OF POINTS! I want quick, short, and inspiring. by Plastic Dreams.
800 points, ended September 3, 2007, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - "Your Favorite Prewrite" by Virgoan.
500 points, ended September 3, 2007, 103 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pre-Write Appreciation Day 2007 by Kimojuno.
1000 points, ended September 14, 2007, 102 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - whatever you want by Anonymous Shadow.
600 points, ended October 1, 2007, 119 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING!!!!! I SWEAR! by Cherokee.
300 points, ended September 23, 2007, 30 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Society - The chain of the world by Swintha.
750 points, ended October 4, 2007, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your Favorite Poems by Avatar of Innocence.
400 points, ended December 27, 2007, 23 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Say That Again? by C J Weatherholt.
525 points, ended December 12, 2007, 62 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pimp up my rhymes by leander.
400 points, ended December 15, 2007, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Shh... Don't Tell The Government by Emm Jayy.
525 points, ended February 5, 2008, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ANYTHING SHORT by Blooming Poet.
400 points, ended March 7, 2008, 105 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Options !! [PW ALLOWED!] by innocence jaded.xx.
625 points, ended July 13, 2008, 47 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - anything and everything, just entertain me by Luciferschild.
800 points, ended January 27, 124 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Gold rhymed poems only. by ecrivain01.
550 points, ended February 11, 43 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Society Menders by StormyDawn.
600 points, ended February 4, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make this THE largest Contest EVER on AP [enter, enter, enter!] by Symphony.
18000 points, ended April 28, 1014 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Stupidity Has To Stop! by UnknownFemale.
700 points, ended April 5, 42 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 34 of 34
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Enjoyed the writing and thinking in your piece. Congrats on your trophies.
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Nice piece. I like the idea behind it, this is the kind of thinking I tried to inspire with this contest.
Thank you for your entry and good luck! -
All too true
.. and nobody will speak up because look what happens everytime a new voice is created. Mostly just branded a troublecauser.
So mr FB you'd better behave yourself... or else
lol
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Interesting write - it was the author notes that captivated my attention more than the poem itself - which just didn't work for me ;
That's not meant to be a critique on your own style of writing, just didn't appeal to me, and therefore didn't work - however I appreciate that you took the time to enter
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very powerful. Best of luck
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Much truth here ...
but not getting a Gold here. I'd suggest pulling it and entering something else.
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weird, but i like what it says even though i cannot quite put a finger on its meaning, i will take another look at this before im dont judging, thank you for entering and good luck
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Will you pleasepleaseplease put the option # in your AN? Thanks
♥
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Good, just not the best I have seen from you, good wording, just not liking the content as much as your other writes. Its good, just not my kinda poem, persoanl opinion right there. Loved this line though: now no-go deadly zones
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So True So true
The only chance for this country is through our children and having the next generation turn this world back over where the people of this country are more important than the deals the congress loves to make . All the pork would be thrown down on the floor and deal with only the runnings of the country and its natural expenses.No more government loans if you ascrew up then start over just like the rest of us have to do .
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Great write that contains a powerful message. And so true, too! Great job and good luck!
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I really like the message that you've captured within the lines of this short poem interesting rhyme scheme too!
thank you for this entry as well
Leander -
Great write. It is so true about society. There isn't much we can do but sit back and watch as the world unfolds. Wonderful read. Thank you for entering my contest.
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Is This Poem Just Good or TOO Good?
Hmm, closer examination of this poem reveals a subtle end rhyme. It is not too pronounced, and provides a great rhythm to the hidden rhyme scheme. The triolet before the last line seems to be out of place, but really, it is a preface to the last line and provides a welcome respite to the reader.
The message is not too emotional, but a sense of righteous anger is hinted with the imagery, like cordoned off means restricted, locked is also restricted, bound is also restricted. Great choice of words and juxtaposition to express ideas of desperation within entrapment.
The fourth stanza seems too conventional though. The words appear so commonplace that I am divided as to whether that was the intention of the poet (being a simple stanza to balance out the rest of the vivid diction of the poem) or if the poet just threw in those words to complete the thought with the scenes of communities.
Is this poem just good or too good? -
Finally!
Simplistic, but not at all simple. Will digest and get back to you. -
"young ideals
in boxes locked".
This poem was short and simple. IT got to the main points, that I feel, you felt about society. These views were presented well. -
You're gonna hate me! I swear I'm not just being mean. I just realized I don't like this very much. This was the last one I read before I got off awhile ago, and I didn't even get to finish reading it because I was getting distracted. Now, that I've really gotten to read it, well you know what I'm gonna do. Sorry. I must just seem like an a-hole right now.
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Great Alex!
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Wow this is a nice piece words she spoken for what you feel.Thanks for sharing and goodluck to you in the contest.Best wishes
6 -
"Don't you dare play there!"
"It's a park, mister!"
"Don't you see the sign?"
'No playing on the grass'
>> <<
You did a great job on this poem, I throughly enjoyed this.
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Like the imagery and tone in this. Nicely written
Thanks so much for participating in my contest. I wish you all the best. I encourage you to keep on writing my friend.
>>>VIRGOAN -
i like the images and explanation given. makes total sense. the social structure of america is doomed to fall sometime soon, some way down before we have a chance to breathe inside these lil brown paper bags.
great poem.:
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Good write. People need to see the society we live in. You explained it pretty well. Good luck in the contest.!!
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Wow.
I really like this!
I didn't know what to expect when I read the title and the categories but this is really, really good.
Keep it up.
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Magnificent!!
Wonderful words to brighten her day and also lift Spirits
Thank You for sharing this!
Congratulations on Your Trophy win also
~*~
children bound
like leather books
~*~
Love that part
Many blessings to You
Best wishes too
and much love~ Desire~*~
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This is a twisted look on the world and it is beautiful the way you wrote it, thank you very much for entering my contest, it was more then I could have expected.
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Thank you very much for entering my contest.
You are right – it does not cheer me up, but it pleases me enormously to read such an impressive, wonderful poem. You choose very precise words and short, poignant images to comment on the state of our world, strongly affecting the reader and imprinting what seems to me a horrifying atmosphere and mood of claustrophobia and despair.
The third stanza reminded me of Pink Floyd's 'The Wall'
An amazing piece!
Good luck and cheers!
rachel
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Thought provoking for sure honey, feels like something after some future apocalypse, or perhaps i just missed it. Great write.
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young ideals
in boxes locked
lie dead in goldfish bowls; one word ammense
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'young ideals
in boxes locked
lie dead in goldfish bowls
children bound
like leather books
(we hear the muffled moans)'...those has got to be some of the best lines I read today...
thank you for the lovely read....from your pen... -
WOW> I loved this piece. one with great thought and some great imagery. Well done friend. wishing you the best in the cotest.
Tory -
How times have from when we babyboomers were children - no need to fear the night, no need to lock the doors. Life was carefree and easy - now all is under lock and key, parks not safe for kids, and gangs prevail and kill innocent bystanders. Liked the flow and the brevity of these lines - tell a good story in few lines here. Easy to read and understand.
Liked the metaphor you used in the poem - children bound like books says much about how kids live today.
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Very thought-provoking issue you raise...
"children bound
like leather books
(we hear the muffled moans)"
Danger in our cities has restricted the freedoms children once enjoyed. Now parents must watch constantly to try to keep them safe. It's a sad state of affairs, but many places have indeed become "no-go deadly zones." Great write! Good luck in the contest!
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Wow. This is really cool from start to finish. Definitly a favorite. Some really strangely vivid imagery and profund allusions.
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