postcard views torn
its shreds
our blissful ashes
a new twilight appears
rocky landscapes
burning ground
"...describe the sky"
haze resides
words sink into that strange place
averted eyes of an infant conversation
a half turned key in the lock
cold hands of reality
spinning web of clouds
heavy curtains of black
the sky brushed my cold cheek
double moon across your lips
winding pictures steal the night
fingertip movements
ebbing and flowing
co-existing euphoria
cotton wool tides
dampened and slowed
blunt leads bleed to the page
the scandalous chapter
A contest entry
- for poets with no trophies by aeolia.
300 points, ended September 12, 2007, 14 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your BEST Prewrite! - For Mike [degarmo] - by Never Fall in Love.
950 points, ended October 29, 2007, 130 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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wow .. this was a very descriptive poem! Packed full of deep imagery and vivid, clear pictures forming in my head. I have to also admit that you're ending was brilliant - a perfect punch in the face.
Overall, it gave a lot to think about and so makes the reader very contemplative.
Good Luck in the contest and thank you for entering
Never ♥ -
thank you for sharing your talent with me through this wonderful write. i wish you well in the contest that we both have entered. i am looking forward to reading more from you in the near future. viyanna rosemarie
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Wonderful. Many many congratualtions - a worthy gold winner! FransB
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I wish you could have connected this more with a little bit of prose-type writing, but that's a personal preference. Great vocabulary, good writing... overall quite interesting!
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thank you sooo much! hehe i heart trophy! *polishes*
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Damn your vocab! *steals* Ha! Now I will become King Muhahahahaha! XxXxX
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This was a very intresting poem it captured my attention from the first line good job!!
~ Ocean~ -
cool.....
I think theredbook gave you some wonderful advice...you have so much to offer...well done...well done!
Ephiphany
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that was a cool write but all the fire that is inside you i think you may want to add some of your creativity and style give you a better chance to win
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thanx for the crit, would you mind having another read at the new version and see what you think? I can see what you mean.. reading it through it felt controlled somewhat xx
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wow, this is really good, i cant tell you why, i just really liked it, i cant explain it... the words just seemed to be perfectly put together, brilliant work.
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