cartoons in your mind,dreams in the sky,
memories and suprise,glitter and lies.
second chances and cops on the ride,
waisting time and never saying goodbye.
wondering why, why should we die slowly..
enstead of a bullit to the brain.
caring with no return pollosy.
how could we have gotten this far,
when we havent even started?
without thinking and just beleaving.
this is the desteny we do not choose,but create.
this is the maze,the test,and the game.
the answer to the equasion is not the answer but the equasion it self.
we are flesh and bone,mind and spirit,heart and soul.
lost in dementia and you have no where to go.
dreaming of happy endings,but the end is never happy.
what is it all about?
do you need to know?
society and controle,
the fall of the economy and war,death and gore.
lookin to score...you'd be suprised..its just not what your looking for.
gun shots ..hit the floor..somones knocking on the door.
flash backs and fantacys..
cartoons in your mind, you've lost track of time,cause you see dragons and butterflys.
rainbow wind and tasting the rain,
chasing a dream and falling on your knees,and weeping please...this is your desteny without a treat, but a book from your start and where we will meet....
A contest entry
- Open eyes by Animafied.
640 points, ended December 3, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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There are some deep moments and opening ideas, but I do feel it is a bit pessimestic. Though I'm not judging on optimism vs. pessimism, I would like to see better solutions to the problems. Also, your spelling took a little away from the diction, but your intent seems rather powerful. I am rather pleased it's a very nice piece.
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This poem has a nice rhyme scheme and it's quite poetic but you seriously need to work on spelling. You will NOT be able to capture people's attention when you have gaping spelling mistakes. Also, you can only put on period or three- two or four are never done. These mistakes take away from the overall impact.
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I agree with the spell check comment. It is very difficult to appreciate the depth that some of your thoughts in this poem hold when one is distracted constantly by bad spelling.
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this is not bad at all.
it has some definite shining moments.
but you need spell checker like no body's business.
seeeeriously.
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