I have lived like Cinderella but all in reverse
The clock strikes midnight
There's a funeral for another lost year
Glass coffin, violet roses
But no tombstone or black veils for the ladies
Through feathery rays of sun
Or an army of rain clouds from the sea
I have worn my ruffled dress
And glass slippers that I never loose
Behind white, plantation shutters
The world is a smashed pumpkin
But the mice do not scurry to help sow up the edges
And the birds don’t sing in my garden
There is a hole in my breath
Like a secret tunnel
But there is nothing in that space
I am upon the age of consent
Seventeen years
With no sweet aftertaste left in my mouth
I could stay up all night
Writing short stories about life
Or find ancient notes
In books I thought I'd never open again
But no matter how many songs
I play on repeat
Because I found the word 'alive'
On the edge of my tongue
And shaping in my vocal box
It won't change a thing
This is just another new era
Of dreaming of things I'm going to do
But will never accomplish
There is no filling the chasm once it's been opened
Author notes
seventeen now. god that's so weird to say.
I don't know why gaining this birthday and losing the last one means so much to me. maybe I dreamed too hard about the last one and all of the amazing things I was going to do but none of them happened and in my gut I know it's just going to be the same.
sorry for the ramble.
Good luck judging the contest, I'm sorry this isn't my best babe. I'll try and enter something else.
I love you from the bottom of my toes all the way up to the sky and universe beyond that.
♥
A contest entry
- Poems for my wall by Lauren Noir.
650 points, ended August 31, 2007, 83 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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"The clock strikes midnight
There's a funeral for another lost year"
"the mice do not scurry to help sow up the edges
And the birds don’t sing in my garden
There is a hole in my breath
Like a secret tunnel
But there is nothing in that space"
brilliant.
the piece takes on a quick personal aspect
"I could stay up all night
Writing short stories about life
Or find ancient notes
In books I thought I'd never open again
But no matter how many songs
I play on repeat"
I think all of us teenage writers can relate to that....
"This is just another new era
Of dreaming of things I'm going to do
But will never accomplish
There is no filling the chasm once it's been opened"
so true.
I've missed your writing-- I'm sorry I haven't been commenting! I'll try to make up for it lovie.
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I looveee this.
happy Birthday even though it's kinda late. lol.
I haven't been commenting anyone lately. =[ but I felt like I should comment you. and this poem. it's so beautiful. every year I get older i plan on changing something about myself too. hoping to mature a little. yet feeling the exact same. amazing poem. loved the imagery. love to you.
*autumn*
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this was so beautiful, so heartbreaking.
the words:
"But no matter how many songs
I play on repeat
Because I found the word 'alive'
On the edge of my tongue
And shaping in my vocal box"
---beautiful image, stunning in more than one way.
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i like the ending, it was well written & very true. this is a good piece. happy belated birthday. 17 is a confusing year. hope everything goes well
-lys
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happy fuckin belated bday
u old S.O.B go find a old ppl home to live in!
im just jokin.
yeah i felt weird too wen i turned 17.. its like.. life passes so damn fast.. kinda sucks.. but good. i was worried that i was moving to fast. i was freakin out. maybe i expected to much out of it. or to little how it wouldnt matter but it did.. i miss 16.. kinda feels young.. like i passed a barrier of youth...
ok now im rambling..
great write hun
hope u had a kick ass 17th party!
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aw i love it..
and you seems years wiser than seventeen.
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Thank you
and so do you. When I first read from you, I thought you were lying about your age!
♥
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happy belated birthday baby.
this is beautiful, babe.
bookmarking this. ♥
you are brilliant.
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The clock strikes midnight
There's a funeral for another lost year
Glass coffin, violet roses
But no tombstone or black veils for the ladies
I love this. Really brilliant. Don't feel depressed about turning 17! You are young and talented and the world is at your feet. ( : Oh and happy belated birthday
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Promise...sing
Unusual take upon Cinderella. Variation on a theme on growing up hovering on the border between prose and poetry perhaps this composition could benefit from reformulation in some areas such as :
including "It won't change a thing" in the previous stanza. If a reader is attentive the point is made without the double spacing.
perhaps for :
But the mice do not scurry to help sow up the edges
And the birds don’t sing in my garden
???
No mice scurry to sow up the edges,
No birds sing in my garden (now ?) (yet ?)
Are you certain that capital letters at the head of each line intensify the effect ... contemporary poetry is found within words and only in specific circumstances in formatting - though here the background is appropriate
Hoping this comment is construed as constructive criticism ... -
Amazing
Great very visual, but it made me a little sad..this was some wonderful writing. -
happy birthday, Kendal. I forgot you are a Leo. Well, you need to turn seventeen again if it means producing something THIS good. xcellent piece -- accomplished. *candles*
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"Writing short stories about life
Or find ancient notes
In books I thought I'd never open again"
Aw.
Bby.
This is cute!
xxx
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THis is amazing honey. Lov the imagery and the way the words flow. It's full of things that feel like mmories, but they can't be. I love it. Well done xxxxx
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This is fantastic
Just from reading it I knew it was my sweet sweet Kendal
This blew me away
I loved te cinderella link
It made me think of starting off as a princess but going to an overworked mess, in reverse of what she did
This is just another new era
Of dreaming of things I'm going to do
But will never accomplish
This is a fantastic little stanza
It's so true
You've captured so many feelings, and made such a fantastic picture of how you feel at this time
I don't think I can make an indepth comment, as it is your feelings
And though they are painful
They're beautiful
You put every ounce of your own personal beauty into this
I love it
I love you through the looking glass and beyond
♥
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