Stop looking at me the way you do.
I feel your judgement, it scars,
burns. Dont you think i know i've
done wrong? Dont you think i get
it? But i just couldnt help myself
This wasnt supposed to happen this way,
it truly wasnt. Is this some problem
that i cant control? Or is this the
real me?
How many more times must i lie
tossing and turning? How much
longer must i feel this way?
Am i losing my self in you?
Does screaming help, does crying?
Theres nothing i guess i can do.
But dont judge me, when you made me
this way
Author notes
to me this is crap, i really dont know, havent done free-verse in months >_<...enjoy or try to lol
though i think the fact that it kinda changes
one of my stories..i guess.. have more but none appeared in my head.
Dani(Danielle) Johnson
AP Namers: The Superb Nerd
A contest entry
- I wanna cry! by VanityAngst.
600 points, ended August 5, 2007, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - [LoveAQuickie] by whiterabbit..
450 points, ended August 18, 2007, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Free verse poems .. by Manoj Sanyal.
450 points, ended August 7, 2007, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - You Are Invited to Attend by Tercil.
500 points, ended August 11, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Experience and Emotion by Dreams27.
450 points, ended August 24, 2007, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - fingerprints, love lined skin, and liquid rainbow tears by Weetzie bat.
1750 points, ended August 9, 2007, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - you NEED this contest by God is my reality.
440 points, ended August 18, 2007, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - All Your Poems Are Belong To Me by Samantha Amergirdol.
1000 points, ended September 6, 2007, 106 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Hm, not bad, but it kind of feels like I'm stumbling over your ideas rather than being immersed in them. I understand the pain and frustration behind this but it isn't expressed in a way that really draws me in. I'm sorry if I sound too harsh; I'm not saying that this is a bad write... writing is a great way to vent your emotions, and you've done a great job of it here. But there is a difference between venting and poetry, in my opinion. You present wonderful ideas here, so don't give up on them, keep expounding on them and soon you will be able to turn them in to truly amazing poetry.
Thanks so much for entering my contest. -
Beautiful job. I like this a lot. It is an amazing poem and you did an excellent job writing it. I loved it. Remarkable work
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this isn't crap! I can relate to it. It pretty much reminds me of a person who constantly questions themselves.
You've expressed the emotion of confused frustration well.
Thank you for entering my contest and good luck. -
you put yourself down in the author box! DON'T!! This is a good piece which seems to express frustration well!! Thanks for this entry! good luck in my contest and all the others you've entered as well! Take care, Sam (dreams27) xxx
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This seems like an individual who has spenth most of their lives wondering what direction next. A frustrating scenario which seems everlasting.
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sad...but well expressed.
good luck
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So not crap. I really like this. Very sad and well written. Great job.
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this is awesome and very sad! i liked it! good luck in the contest!
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