Since you passed away,
I've noticed you much less.
It's like when we we pulled the old
dust jackets over the sofas,
that day the fireplace was
removed.
It was a colder house then.
Still, that coldness is following me,
Still, that voice is silent, though
everything conspires to remind me:
the kettle when it hisses;
the shrillness of the doorbell,
when sympathetic and
secretly delighted relatives
come to call.
If I'm not careful,
I catch myself talking again and again
to walls.
I have become blue as a ghost
from holding my breath,
waiting for that voice to speak—
Still, your form next to me when I'm not sleeping,
but for the breathing I'd think you a corpse.
Is it the silence, or the breathing that taunts me?
Is it the living, or the dead that haunts me?
A contest entry
- "Talking in Bed" -- a poem by Philip Larkin by truembrace.
600 points, ended August 12, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Wow, I'm glad someone featured you. This is an excellent piece! The form, introduction and developement of the idea, and the imagery is excellent.
Well done!
John -
excellent poem, i really enjoyed it
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This is an amazing piece. My favorite lines are :
Is it the silence, or the breathing that taunts me?
Is it the living, or the dead that haunts me?
Very nice indeed thanks for sharing.
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This deserves applause
This is deserving of applause
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Excellent expression
This write is well written. You can sense the void that a person's departing can cause. Still there are strong reminders and still you feel presence but you know they are beyond this plane of existence. Yuo captured that in few words which is wisdom and artful. I felt it maybe because I have lived long enough to feel what you wrote here. Thank you for sharing. Very Excellent expression in verse.. -
Really inspired.
Love the last two lines.
I am a bit unclear about how noticing someone less is like putting dust covers on furniture. I'm not feeling the flow there, but the rest of it is awesome.
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Haunting! Great read! I absolutely loved it. Very unique; I have never read anything quite like this. Good luck in the contest.
Keep writing!
Ankita
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WOW!!!!! What a read! In some ways I can sooo relate to this. The deapth in which you speak in this piece is amazing! What a great read!!!!! Thanks for sharing, and best of luck in this contest!!!!!
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there are nice twists to this poem and the way the story is told you keep the reader's curiosity. such a poem as this with few critiques has me wish I had made it part of the criteria that at least a few other poems must be read as so many are missing out on your talent with verses such as these.
thanks so much for entering this poem. there's so much to like about this...
Kim -
How wonderful that you try writing for a contest with your second poem. Very impressive - tells me you are confident in your writing abilities, and that is great. This makes one really think about the words you have written, and is he living or is he dead? Or does it make a difference? Well done.
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