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Wish you were here?






The psychological games
you scattered in the wind
only served
to raise extreme caution
in a mind
which was
already tired
of deciphering
the truth

between a lost identity
and loving indifference.

But I think that was your sole aim wasn't it?

to be the provoker of a jealous reaction
trying to make me declare love... for you.

Watching
as you sailed your ship
through dangerous
stormy waters,

I knew you'd failed
to notice
my exhaustion,

and fuelling
subconcious
jigsaw puzzles
to win my intensity,
I fear

...has been your downfall.

And as I watch
you drown


I wipe a tear
away.

***







In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 28 of 28

  • sideways hourglass
    March 22
    Edit | Reply
    I thought your opening was sensational. And the rest of the poem was good too (but not anywhere near as good as your opening - just my opinion). And the title could've been stronger to do your poem justice. (The title gave me a false first impression: I thought I'd be reading a bad poem). But what you have here is very good indeed, overall.


  • Emmyb gold member
    March 12

    Edit | Reply
    I knew you'd failed
    to notice
    my exhaustion,

    I really liked the way this poem fell into place as you read it. At first it seemed a little awkward to read, however when you get to "But I think that was your sole aim wasn't it?" - it seems to feel a lot more natural! I am very impressed with the form of this poem and the natural way it reads. Well done and thanks for entering. I may add this as a finalist later on


  • onapedestalIstand
    May 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this was good but I think you stoped it in a weird possition..maybe lengthen it out a little more..but in all it was a good write..thanks for entering..Sarah


  • HereComesTheSun
    April 28, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    wow amazing poem very powerfull


  • karma-n-peace
    October 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Unfortunatley I can relate with this write.
    You have created some awesome imagery here.
    I love it! Great job!


  • Felix BlackHeart
    August 31, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    very pretty peice. thanx for entering.

  • Francis Vincent
    August 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    very good

    bummer
    not every one
    but
    quite a few "relationships"
    friends, family, etc
    are really bent on what you describe
    the sad part is this is the way he / she is
    you really executed this verse
    and, him, so to speak
    (as in the last two lines)
    superbly
    the beginning is especially reminiscient og the "false / negative_ false-positive" syndrome
    always better to be on guard, then to be lax
    finally, lots of fun to read
    as this dude gets his due
    you are quite artistically inclined


  • koupolga
    August 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is really great, I love this poem! This is exactly the type of free verse I enjoy the most. the flowing almost conversational like lines you have here and the topic is very interesting too! Thank you very much for the entry!


  • Emosie Vloei
    August 17, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Interesting piece..Very smooth and filled with emotion

  • angel alone
    August 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I like the way the poem conveys emotion, though honestly something seems off to me. I think ending threw off my understanding of the poem. Thanks for entereing and good luck.

    PS, though your poem is over the 40 line limit...I guess I'll let it slide.


  • Just waiting
    August 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    very well written. i like all of the emotion in the poem. you did a great job with this piece and i liked it very much. thank you for entering my contest and good luck.


  • CarCrashHumor
    August 10, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    very well-written!


  • Dreams27
    August 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    a very good piece. the emotion here is expressed well and i thank you for this entry! take care, sam (Dreams27) x


  • LadyLeviathan silver member
    August 7, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    this was wonderful, please put your name in the AN or write anonymous

  • Sj
    August 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I was going to pass
    Prompt said you spent precious points
    For a comment
    Hoping this is not so very gratuitou


  • Lyrical Nonsense
    August 6, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    My ex needs to read this.... Good job! Free verse is a mystery to me.... But obviously not to you!


  • poorme
    August 5, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    All I cn say is WOW!


  • elemental angel
    August 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Brilliant powerful and intense, I think a lot of people like me will be able to relate to the feelings you put into words so well with this wonderful piece. Great use of imagery. Best of luck in the contest.
    Bravo

  • Pome
    August 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    WOW

    This is intensely well said stuff and hits to the heart of many a problem in way too many so called relationships. 'Nuf Said. Great job. Uh Oh OMG I read it a 2nd time!! It gets even better. I just experienced this with someone, and like you, I knew it was going on.


  • Abbey Normal
    August 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Pychological games... They are so manipulating.

    You've brought this to life, captured what occurs when someone tries desperately to get inside another's mind and everything but that blurs from their sight.

    Insanely intriguing. Good write.


  • edit my world.
    August 4, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    very pretty, tons of meaning a lil sad...excilante!!!


  • duana
    August 4, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    hm maybe it's not jeleous reaction, but insecurity? I know this is just a poem- but I can relate to this poem in real life very well. I never have read a poem that described these kinds of feelings. This is really really good. Very tender, and deep, and sad.


  • Procrastination
    August 4, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Every time you asked a question or made a remark, I found myself sitting and thinking about what you'd said, which isn't something you can say about alot of poetry.
    I felt all the points where if you spoke it, you would enphisize it. It had a lot of power and a lot of emotional provoking elements!
    Welldone on a terrific poem.
    Much love,
    Emily xxxx


  • star girl
    August 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this is a very deep and well thoughted poem.U r very creative.I think people who could just open their hearts like that! i just love the whole poem! keep up the good work. hope to see more great writes from u! U can write.


  • Talking Toni gold member
    August 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Deep Stuff!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    This is a deep an thought provoking piece. Love the use of metaphors every stanza grew better with imagery and drew me deeper into the story you presented here. I am not good with free verse, I am a rhymer all the way, but am envious of those like you who make freeverse work so well conveying what is in your heart. Great story typical of many who cannot just come out and say what they feel but instead play head games to try and win the heart of those they love!!!Thanks for sharing this piece!!!~~Toni~~


  • Stingersinger53 gold member
    August 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    You have written an excellent poem on a subject that I'm sure many have went through. I love the metaphor you have used and I also love the ending you have choosen. Sometimes thats all you can do. Great write and good luck to you in the contest!


  • Uniquely-Scarred
    August 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    great metaphor in this piece, it has a nice modern feel as well this is a good poem you can write my friend

    love & peace
    john


  • The Poetic Angel
    August 3, 2007
    Edit | Reply

1 - 28 of 28