As a brave sun sets
Upon the ashen remains
Of deserted truths and fallen faiths;
As familiar faces fade into mirages;
As the edges of the world
Crumble peacefully
Towards the epicentre
Of a sunken heart;
As reality twists the fragility of Life
To awkward supine;
I sigh...
Head shaking, relinquishing
Bold chest heaving, releasing
Grace inspired; Loss expired
Suppressed agony evaporates
In breaths of soulful warmth
Hesitating even
To depart from the tunnel of my lips
Frag...ment...ed. . . Gasps
A reflex
Of wanting more sympathy than a moan can elicit...
...I sigh
Why must this moment of unspoken fret
Be spent eternally in dread?
Author notes
Prompt: sigh
I hope I have controlled the tempo of this poem well...
A contest entry
- Find A Feather~ by poet2angels.
475 points, ended August 9, 2007, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 32 of 32
-
I'm bad with rhythm. I wouldn't know if you did well with it. All I know is that I really liked it. Nearly soothing with the verses that let the reader linger... and linger. Anyway, you've got definite talent.
-
wooow!
Wow. I really love this poem.
I love poems that make you think, and this one definitely did that for me.
I must say, you're very talented.
The whole thing flows together great.
Good luck on the contest. If I were a judge, you'd win. Buuuut I'm just a reader. haha.
Once again, great job.
-
I can't even explain the impression this poem leaves on the reader. It's beautiful and shattering at the same time. Well done!
-
wow!!
As the edges of the world
Crumble peacefully
Towards the epicentre
Of a sunken heart;
This really grabbed me!
However you made a spelling error
epicenter instead of epicetre
Becks
-
This was a good read. You painted a very vivid picture with your words. You followed the prompt well and yes the tempo is good. I am glad I found this poem. Well good and keep up the good writing.
-
I LOVE the way the tempo flows right with the meaning of the work. truly well done!!!
-
Not bad at all
The tempo of this poem flowed in harmony with the subject matter, if that's what you wanted to accomplish with this. Otherwise, this was a well writen account of the subconscious. Keep it up!
-
That was Beautifully done and
smartly done too! I really enjoyed this poem!
I have a mother who used to communicate with her
sighs....she had a laughter one...and a oh gawd you
better run sigh......lol
I really enjoyed your write the rhyming was wonderfully
done!
ears2hearyou
Kathleen
will learn from you!
-
I sigh....
Wow that was such a read!
I was totally captivated from the first word. Then I was lost in your words.
A beautiful emotional piece
-
I loved your vocabulary. it was fresh, vibrant, not the common worn out words that everybody uses. I also that it was clever how you used the word "frag...ment...ed" . as for the poem it was an excellent poem of uncompromised pathos. i really enjoyed reading it.
-
wow aswsome dude i love ur poetry write more and hurry im waiting
-
Lovely, lovely lovely. Very good.
-
Excellent
You used very good word variety and usuage. I can visualize your words, very poetic.
-
Very, very good
Loving the liquidity of the poem
Refreshing word usage
Talent you have
-
You have penned some very strong and descriptive emotions. You brought forth real, raw feelings that allow people to relate to you. Good Job all around! This poem has such a powerful impact from start to finish, one that tugs and torments the heart and soul... a familiar feeling brought out here. This is a beautifully written piece... painful, yet gorgeous in its language.
♥ Touchof1der -
This is very good , great!
The feelings were very real and you penned them well!
You are gifted my friend!
~Lisa~
-
the repeated phase of "i sigh.." signifies that the narrator seems to have given up on certian things in life i find it hard to figure out what but the underlineing emontion that i dont know is deilious part of the story
well done
~~Chef W.B.
-
Faith really is a gift. Some people can make the leap, and other will always be crippled by questions. To some, it may be the answer. To others, it's just a scratch upon the surface. In any sense, I think you adequately capture the tensions that comes when a human being tries to find meaning in his life
-
Yes you have
Yes this was a very well penned piece and with such depth -
you surely have controlled the tempo well..
technicalities aside, i truly love poems which communicate to you, which you straight feel in your heart ,.. in the tempo of your breaths , while reading the poem..
and, you made me sigh
especially the beginning "Of deserted truths and fallen faiths" ; "edges of the world crumble peacefully toward the epicenter of a sunken heart " ... "a reflex of wanting more sympathy than a moan can elicit - i sigh" ... such amazing and beautiful form... these phrases independently can flaunt their depths...
really nice... my best wishes for the contest.. hope your piece makes other hearts glad, as it did for mine..
-
You've controlled the tempo v-e-r-y well, Poet! Your structure, alliteration and imaginings, made for a delightful read.
Thank you for sharing, you're Good!
Well Done, Poet! ~ Nicholas ~
-
This is so very beautiful... and I hope to cross word paths with you often...wonderous poetry
-
-
Thank you very much. Lol, crossing word paths as opposed to crossing swords will only cause poets to bleed epiphany in bouts well fought. Will do, if there is such an opportunity.
-
-
"Towards the epicentre
Of a sunken heart;
As reality twists the fragility of Life
To awkward supine;
I sigh..."
This is an incredible penning, laden with interesting structure & content. Grand imagery, expert use of language. Good luck in Lynda's contest. Be well, Poet. Wanda
-
-
Thank you for your "loud" applause Wanda. (=
I must admit that i like this one myself, even though I was experimenting with flow and imagery in this one. I am still beginning to explore poetry. Please guide me along. -
-
Here ya go, Poet. I've been here two years as of June 2004. I spent a long time searching for & cultivating relationships with some of AP's best & brightest. I'd like to refer you to just some of the Poets I feel have made more than a significant impact on my writing & on my life: Nicolette, shewolfnative, Zayra Yves, Lyrical Soul, MuddyKing, Just Rob, grm, cvillelisa, transcendental baby, Mary Cat, NurseChilly, Oisin, Mad Moon, ArtFullyMe, SirPort, g r e y i s m , LadyUnique, Wildequill, suseann, jaunty pill, masterblaster, Presence, Redstormy, A Prophet of 3, Melissa Whispered, Scott Adelmann, ecrivain01, Danna Hobart, Rowan, Natari Moon...Sighhh...Even more than these few; they are just off the top of my head; I have a list that I posted as a "poem", since I have over 300 Poets on it...This will get you started on those dreadfully slow nights when the poems & Poets are far too young & bloody...
-
There are many writers here that will amaze you with their unique skills. I'll send you a few names. My main advice is to read as many poems & styles as you can; comment on as many Poets as you're able to find a sense of commaraderie with...Listen to music & pay particular attention to the lyrics...& most of all, keep writing, every moment you can...stretch your wings & soar on the thermals of thought...Utilize your God~given talents & share your creative gifts with anyone that will read or listen...This World needs all the Poets it can hold... Wanda
-
-
-
Wow.....powerful!
Unique write with womnderful flow and word usage...
TY for entering!
-
OH wow....this was awesome, The rhythm and flow excellent. O f course come on whose kidding, anything you penned will automatically consist of great thought, great flow and vivid imagery. So thisdoesnt at all shock me.
Well done
-
hey I like this... you choose your words well. smiles...ofcourse...what's new? lol.
Keep writing genious, and good work at expressing your thoughts in this poem.
-
This is a great poem dear friend.
As the edges of the world
Crumble peacefully
Towards the epicentre
Of a sunken heart;
this alone would cause one to sigh
-
-
Thank you dear. (=
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 32 of 32
