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Murderer, Murderer

A cutthroat with an attitude
Comes up behind his prey
Waiting for the moment
He can catch them in a fray
I stand under the streetlights
Waiting for this man
Just to get the timing right
To execute my plan
A knife is in my hand
I hold it tight and proud
And when he comes I'm ready
I will be shouting out loud:

"Murderer, Murderer
Come out and play!
I've been dying to burn out your candle today
So come on, and creep closer
In your dark scary way
And watch as you die in a bloody display"

Your eyes are red as fire
And your heart is cold as ice
Your hands are colored scarlet
Just like all the necks you slice
You're a heartless homicidal
But now it's payback time
It's time you learned a lesson
From your awful silly crime
I'll be coming at you
With victory bells ringing
I'll listen to their loud, sweet sound
With them, I'll be singing:

"Murderer, Murderer
Come out and play!
I've been dying to burn out your candle today
So come on, and creep closer
In your dark scary way
And watch as you die in a bloody display"

Then I heard footsteps
They came from nowhere
All I remember
Was just standing there
There was a choke hold
And then an attack
Then within a second
My vision went black
In hell, I am rotting
I think of back then
To this day, I wonder
If I'll see him again

"Murderer, Murderer
Come down and play!
For I have been dying to see you all day
I hope you will die
In a dark scary way
And we'll never again see your bloody display"

Author notes

August 3, 2007.... This poem was written for a contest... I thought it would be fun to come up with a story about a murder...

Option 9: Do a dark scary poem

For "Inside The Mind: 5 Options With Sub Options, Deep - Points Will Rise"--- this is option 3E

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 26 of 26

  • sailor ptolema
    May 31, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    SUPERB

    gosh, this is the second time I've read this..and its even more chilling and better this time around...Its going on my favorites list..and your
    chorus...GENIOUS..its so haunting....I can hear it being called out when I read it ... and I can only talk about this in the superlative

  • sailor ptolema
    May 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    chills

    good lord this was amazing! I love the 'chorus'! This sent chills down my spine, definitely the best scary poem I have read!!


  • Wearychild
    April 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I really like this poem, my favorite part is the chant. I absolutely loved it! Thank you for entering!


  • Stormy Days
    January 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    i like the method of murder very good chilling wow


  • CaliOkie silver member
    January 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Well done

    I especially like the method of murder. Quick and quiet, although it can be messy. Other forms of killing tend to result in kicking and screaming and an unpleasant display by the victim, which seems to go on forever and ever. Death by exsanguination -- oh how I love that word. I will write a poem about that one day.

    Enjoyed this a lot -- maybe too much.

    CaliOkie


  • Synthetic-Nightmare
    January 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    WOw.....this was really well written and i loved the story line, ESPECIALLY THE METHOD OF DEATH. The flow was AWESOME and helped it read well.
    Thanks so much for entering, best of luck to you!
    ^_^


  • LadyDementia gold member
    December 23, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I do like the repetition in this, the rhythmic flow is good throughout. you have pieced it together very well. You have given it a great air of darkness with your word choice and superb imagery. Payback is always a great theme. Best of luck in my contest and Merry Christmas!
    Pink x



  • luna-midnight gold member
    November 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    lol, this is funny, i love the "Murderer, Murderer...." repeat, it was brillant excellent job, thanks so much for this write.
    thanks for the entry and good luck
    stephanie =]

  • near1202apocalypse
    November 4, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    well written but not that scary. i really like the twist in the story though!


  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    September 26, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Some nasty stuff here presented. I liked the rhyme and the flow of the lines fitting together. I could almost see what was going on in my mind (what a beautiful picture indeed). Loved the
    Murderer, Murderer,
    come down to play!
    bit, that was almost mocking, inticing, hoping to provoke a reaction perhaps?


  • PassionsPromise gold member
    September 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Murderer, Murderer
    Come out and play!
    I've been dying to burn out your candle today
    So come on, and creep closer
    In your dark scary way
    And watch as you die in a bloody display


    sweet mercy....i loved it. enough said.
    Tory


  • Eternal-Jammy-Jam
    September 3, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    good scary fits in welll done YAY lolop


  • Austere
    August 31, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    i like it, but the flow is off. revise it an re-enter. one example is "I will be shouting out loud". try removing the word out.


  • Perception
    August 29, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Very interesting write. Nice rythm, and good little: "Murderer, Murderer
    Come out and play!
    I've been dying to burn out your candle today
    So come on, and creep closer
    In your dark scary way
    And watch as you die in a bloody display"

    kinda thing. ~~ Good luck in the contest!


  • Dark Whispers
    August 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow this is a really good poem, I like th ryme scheme and the meter, it flowed very well, nice poem/ story
    ~dark


  • aliceramone
    August 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    a great piece that would make an excellent song...vivid imagery as this scene played perfectly in my head-well done!...thanks for entering this piece and good luck in the contest


  • aliceramone
    August 23, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    sorry..i cannot read this...go back and read the rules and if you wanna join let me know


    • AutumnsFlame
      August 23, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      I re-read the whole thing and I can't find the rule I missed. Could you maybe point it out to me?


  • Abv. 01101001
    August 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Very intense... sounds like it should be a song. with the repeating phrase and all... really nice. (: good luck.


  • LadysDragon
    August 12, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I like the Murder,Murder come out to play part.Thank you and good luck!


  • Riftkin gold member
    August 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Interesting poem to show the mind of a murderer.
    I see why you won the gold, you deserve it dear poet

    Riftkin


  • okadadokie
    August 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I really like the way this poem went, I like how you turned it into a poem/song. Great write.

    ~Oka/KC


  • Aroarathebloody
    August 10, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    nice work


  • Jasmine Rayne
    August 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. I'm a sucker for dark poetry. This poem is eery and very well written. I like it a lot. Thanks for entering. Good luck in the contest!


  • Death of the Author
    August 4, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This is really cool, I liked all of it apart from one word! "silly" crime - I know you can come up with better than that, something more malevolent or viscious, bloodthirsty or bloodcurdling. Anyway I really enjoyed it, it flowed really well and as always your rhyme is great! Good luck in that contest and take care x

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