I stand spread-eagled at the window
as if on the cross,
my own imaginary crucifixion,
staring out.
Everything is white,
this in itself to me, is strange,
as I can still only see
in shades of black and red.
There is a movement, however,
in this blinding purity,
shadows,
shadows,
shades to a man.
Images and effigies
of my past and future self,
writhing, twisting, contorting,
playing out their sad, useless
paranoid fucking games of existence.
Multiplying,
swarming,
polluting this purity
with all that lurks
deep down within myself.
I laugh out loud
as a voice, distant,
at the back of my head,
asks the question of myself:
“Have you been taking drugs again?”
“Yeah, trippin’ on ecstasy”, I laugh.
Then I stop in my tracks,
realizing I shouldn’t laugh,
it is pretty sick, pretty disturbing,
because I’m not on anything.
So now I realize
what it is that I must do.
I climb down from my cross
and grasp my scissors,
I open up my chest,
the steam and the stench rising from within
refreshes my senses.
The pain floods in
like a welcome old friend,
I delve in with the scissors,
let them do their duty.
Now I move the scissors
to my head
and once more,
I indulged myself
in abstract body art.
Finally it is over.
I have cut away
all of myself
which is unwelcome and unnecessary.
There is not much left.
But this time,
I can say it is real.
I have reached
a level of true purity
and I am born again.
13/1/94 (slight revision 3/8/07)
Author notes
Another piece from 1993 for comparison, stylistically and content wise.
Do not take literally, this is not a self-harm/cutting piece. Read between the lines.
A contest entry
- Enter All Your Dark Writes Here (Series - II) by xxRainbowDawnxx.
1500 points, ended March 27, 2008, 95 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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This is very dark... I love the imagery in this, I can see the exact movements you have made in this piece, like I am standing infront of you (though if I was there I would intervine and make ya better). Nicely done.
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Thank you. It's an old piece this, describing an old headspace, but one I still get into all to easily even now.
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I like the imagery in this this. It's very descriptive of the changes many of us go through in a lifetime.
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Thank you.
Yeah, very much identifying and mentally ridding ones-self of that which isn't needed. -
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You seriously need to start listening to yourself. Get rid of what you do not need *taps foot*
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