Here we are tonight,sittin on the patio,
watchin the world go by.
When we see a shootin star lightin up the dark night sky.
I said, "make a wish." He said, "O.K."
I waited a few seconds.
I said, "What'd you wish?" He said, "No way."
I thought, "Oh well, I missed."
But still, I'm flyin high up on my shootin star,
watchin stardust fly out behind me.
Right out behind me, yeah.
Here I am today, sittin on the patio,
watchin the raindrops end.
When I see a friend drivin a Mercedes Benz.
I said, "Holy heck." He said, "No regrets."
We waited a few seconds.
He said, "Gotta go." I said, "Bye,Joe."
He thought, "Oh well, I missed.
But I bet, He's flyin high up on his shootin star,
watchin stardust fly out behind him.
Right out behind him, yeah.
Stardust, stardust. Shootin stars, shootin stars.
Stardust, stardust. Shootin stars, shootin stars.
Author notes
option #5
A contest entry
- Poets 12&Under by FallingTwilight.
700 points, ended August 8, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I Shot the Sheriff? by Rainy Days.
300 points, ended August 12, 2007, 5 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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I really enjoyed reading this poem you have a different style of poetry that I havnt seen before its very intresting.
~Ocean~ -
Nice piece.
Good luck,
FallenPoeticAngel
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You handle the colloquial tone well; everything sounds as if someone could legitimately say it, but at the same time there is a strong sense of poetry here.
Using "-in" instead of "-ing" adds to the sense that we are overhearing someone speak about an experience. And the repetition in the last two lines closes the poem like the refrain in a song.
Well done.
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