Run by water's edge
waves crash splashing, playful,
hands held shyly
fingers awkwardly entwine;
Cuddle, kiss,
caresses shared
selfconsciously ;
Barefoot on white sands
young minds plan and plot
a future stretching miles ahead
together...
~ ~ ~ ~
Stroll by water's edge
waves lap languid, lazy,
gleeful grandkids gallop
white horses in cascading crests;
Arms twine tenderly,
around shoulder and waist
protectively ;
Barefoot on white sands
two hearts relive lifelong love
footprints stretching miles behind
together
In a list
A contest entry
- Quote Inspired! by BellaD.
450 points, ended June 30, 2008, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Contentment by z etoile.
300 points, ended July 15, 2008, 23 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - My Points - Your Decision by Rock-Junkie.
700 points, ended September 29, 2008, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Reflections... by azlyn.
503 points, ended March 31, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Whispers of the Muse by SubKitten.
3045 points, ended May 19, 156 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I got points...DISH EM OUT BABY!!! by Vintage Chiffon.
1150 points, ended May 12, 58 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - What haven't I read yet? by Antebellum.
500 points, ended August 4, 82 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 47 of 47
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Barefoot on white sands
young minds plan and plot
a future stretching miles ahead
together...
love this stanza.
beautiful imagery.
thanks for entering,
goodluck -
Wonderful write. I was definitely brought in, in the short ways you were able to explain the detail. Wonderful job and thank you very much for entering my contest. good luck to you
<3Damien
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Wonderful imagery. I love that you tried to portray two different images and feelings in this piece, though I think the meter didn't work too well for that. Maybe working in a strict meter for the first half that has a somewhat more energetic beat, and a slower and more languid meter in the second would help that?
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Simply precious...how very uplifting and serene. Thank you so much for entering this contest. I adore the peace and hope you have conveyed.
Az
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inspiring but now wowing
it was good short, beautiful, made me think, but did not wow as much as i would like, good luck, -
What a beautiful write! I love you have written about these two people in their first, innocent, sweet years of love and then went on to describe them much later in life, when their love has matured and grown to a level of tender and deep affection and caring. I love how the whole thing finishes with the single word "together". Perfect. Thanks for entering the contest
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I think this is a nice poem but it has little to do with the subject of the contest.
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Wonderful.
"Barefoot on white sands
two hearts relive lifelong love
footprints stretching miles behind
together"
love it! Great, great job. Very sweet and "pure"
Good luck in the contest! -
~awie~
touching and full of love.
definatly shows how a young-one's heart seeks with their 'other'. and you used the quote well.
great job and good luck!! -
Beautiful poem thank you for entering.
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nice write very sweet, thanks for entering my contest, good luck
stace x -
Very touching. It makes me look forward to the love I hold so dear now.Thank you for entering, and good luck.
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nice write good luck
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wow, this is amazing...so beautiful...it doesn't talk about a certain point when you're experiencing love..it talks about a life time of it...another reason why i like it...it's beautiful.
and i agree with after-silence, your words do seem soothing...well done. :] -
This is so beautiful! The imagery is perfectly depicted and the tenderness of your words is soothing. I love how sweet this poem is. I love the transition from "hands held shyly / fingers awkwardly entwine" to the fifth stanza where the lovers are so familiar and comfortable with each other. Congratulations on winning gold!
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oooo I liked this piece its similar to a piece I once wrote. Great job and thank you for entering my contest.
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oooo I liked this piece its similar to a piece I once wrote. Great job and thank you for entering my contest.
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how lovely, nice write and thanks for entering
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Beautiful verse. I love the how you've used structure to show how the relationship matures over time. Excellent alliteration and imagery. Thank you for your entry.
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wow
awsome write! the love felt comes shining through.
good luck
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Wow
I can tell that the love and thought put into this is of an enormous amount.
The picture added with it is a nice touch as well.
Favorite Part:
Run by water's edge
waves crash splashing, playful,
hands held shyly
fingers awkwardly entwine;
Great Write
Thanks for entering
Good Luck!
♥[Katee]♥ -
Beautiful.. I liked it... it's nice to read a love poem... instead of a lost love poem... it's a nice change. Thanks for sharing such a wonderful piece. Good luc
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"Stroll by water's edge
waves lap languid, lazy,
gleeful grandkids gallop
white horses in cascading crests;"
Ah, what a grand picture you've painted here my friend, well done.
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touching
i like the picture of the two walking in the sand next to the ocean it brings back memories to me , and something to embrace and to cherish , this is very touching i can feel the warmth and the embrace and the beauty of it all and congratulations to you on your anniversary i hope that you have many good years and wonderful memories together
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love the way this piece ends...
an absolutely beautiful conclusion... this piece is so filled with life and hope and just filled to the brim with sentiments and images of love...
wonderfully expressive!
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the imagery for this poem is wonderful! your last stanza is definately the cutest! thank you for your entry
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Beautiful write. I love the title. Wonderful imagery in this piece, too. It made me think of two people in love enjoying a romantic walk together on the beach. Thanks for the comment on "Japanese Morning In Autumn".
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oh, this is so sweet, and the title perfect for this.
What a wonderful portrayal of transition and the maturing of a relationship. Beautiful.
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You have given great imagery to this write,
Made me feel as If I was re-living some memories of my
own
Thanks for being a part of this race.
Love and Light
Frozentearz -
I like the alliteration that is in a few of these lines. The imagery is very nice and soothing, making one think of a beautiful, calm day at the beach. Beautifully done
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Very sweet. Good luck in the contest. I enjoyed reading it.
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Thoughtful & True
You have captured both the clumsiness of young love and the security of old love in beautiful prose. Easily understood, wonderful imagery to tell a story.
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Liked it,
the imagery was poweful. Maybe concentrate on using other words like the common ones: 'cuddle' etc. But good write. -
I love the way this poem focuses on a lasting relationship, together through time and not that first love or heart break
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That is neat... often seeing poems about a fresh relationship or a long lasting relationship, enjoying that time on the coast... but this, this is different. It spans the time and gives a depth that is missing in the others.
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Such a beautiful tale of love and life you have pened here, it was a true delight to read. ~bret~
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Such harmony. This poem put me at ease. A very great read. I really needed to find some soothing poetry right now. Keep that pen to the paper.
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bravo
A lovely and poigant piece of poetry with some excellent alliteration! Very fine! bravo... bravo...
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I fully relate to this delightful piece of work - so heartfelt, so real. Just grand. thanks for the read.
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Beautiful !!
Oh!! This is so,so good.A beautiful piece of writing that unfolds the love held in the tapestry of time that exists between two people. Gentle and tender, a lovely and very beautiful poem. Thankyou for writing and sharing this poem with me. All my best wishes Rose xx
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Thank you Rose,
I'm glad you also got the sense of the passage of time between the stanzas, wasn't sure if I'd made that clear.
I have enjoyed reading your work also, including the 'work in progress', which shows much promise.
PJ
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Nice portrayal of young love by the beach as I understood it, not sure if you meant to say "arms entwine" rather than "arms twine". Perhaps could have centered more on the calming effect of the waves lapping the shore.
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Thank you for the kind and constructive comments. I was trying to portray the 'relaxation' of two lovers in each others company over a passage of years, from starry youth in the first stanza to contented grand-parenthood in the second - rather than just the relaxation of a stroll on the beach.
I was using 'twine around' in the second stanza as an analogy of, say, vines twining around a tree - to convey a sense of passage of time, but I will revisit this and see if I can make this point more strongly, thanks!
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this is such a tender and gentle piece, you have captured a very specific mood here and its so peaceful...
the closing image is wonderful...
glad i saw this one...
al
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Al,
Thanks for the comment, much appreciated, coming from a poet whose work I always enjoy and admire.
PJ
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Cuddle, kiss,
caresses shared
selfconsciously ;
and then there is this
Arms twine tenderly,
around shoulder and waist
protectively ;
how wonderfully
you paint it
give it 20 more years
and paint it more
m
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Thanks Mary!
Glad that you got the passage of time theme, which I attempted to paint by repeating each stanza, but with a slower pace.
In 20 years there may be the need of a dune-buggy...
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