Letting go

I read your words of sorrow,
mine lash out with thorns striking blood,
I don't want your empire of dirt,
or your crown.
I want time,
a year to the date or so a bit more and less,
I want to forget,
to ease,
to die,
to let go,
whats want ?
"If I could start again,
a millions miles away,
I would keep myself"
Thats not what I wanted though.
I've sunk in,
the sand trap of my life,
my emotions becoming a black hole in the middle of my chest.
I always feel numb,
but I carry a smile and this broken reflection,
seeing your brown eyes,
nothing more but the blood dripping of the smooth blade,
this is what I have been reduced to.
But what was I before.
I'm something now,
someone now,
have someone,
got something,
becoming everything,
but you ...your still there,
the nagging thought,
breaking me down,
bitter feats of betrayal,
and I just can't let go.