Can this horror story
ever possibly be
A testimony of your sacrifice
and what it's done for me?
Can this bleeding
ever purify me?
or atone for what I've done
or make it right again?
what then.
Minds of men
The sons of sin
don't wisely count the cost
The wage of sin comes back again
and again
Son of man
who knew the cost
The Life and breath in me
Will you teach me?
Author notes
Sometimes life seems too hard to handle and many questions arise. Faith is challenged and clay is molded into the creator's image.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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That's Why We Need Eternity...
You have a unique style, that is to say I haven't seen a style similar to yours. A very impactful write!
I'm of the belief that those unanswered questions of life will be answered upon the seeing of Jesus' face. The unanswered questions we had will be answered without words, but by simply being in His presence. It may be one of the reasons God has to wipe away the tears from our eyes then.
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capturing attention it does, and I loved the next to the last stanza, well written! Many questions do arise in life, but we do have choices!
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Can this horror story
ever possibly be
A testimony of your sacrifice
and what it's done for me?
Purely sad verse above my comment. I really enjoyed this because it shows a lot of emotion and people can tell what you're feeling. Good job.
Keep up the damn good work! -
so many questions @ the beginning !
the rhyme in the first stanza bothered me. it felt too cute, among such dark images.
at 'bleeding' I felt a little cliche-d
'wage of sin' confused me, its reading very biblical and hard to understand for some reason.
I wish I'd seen more concrete images. I can't decide if the verbosity of this is perhaps because of over-condensing it and removing fluff? It's so intense!
Beautiful dark and passionate and deep write, thanks! -
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Kevin
I appreciate the critique very much. You know that first stanza does need work and I intended on revisions but wanted feedback, which helps tremendously. Yes, very abstract, I suppose I think abstractly and my challenge is to see concrete in any fashion, ha ha. Perhaps severe dyslexia contributed, at least that is what I like to blame it on. I want to challenge in the third stanza.................? I felt it was more concrete,.... as in the stone written tablets.
Thanks for the help,
cp
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Very nice
Oh, this was nice! The voice and flow was intriguing!
Well done dear, well done!
Praise God!
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MightyMJd
Thankyou Mighty. I like to hear that I'm not too far off, if you know what I mean? Your feedback always helps,(my friend in the imperial army.) God's Grace be with you.
Annette
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I think you expressed a pretty common conflict here - liked the wordl usage and emotional expression in this piece. Will be keeping an attentive eye on your work in the future.
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Amanda1
I appreciate that you took time to leave a comment. I also appreciate that you saw the dilema I was expressing. Sometimes I worry about the words I choose, but I guess I am aiming for thoughts rather then images. Thanks for the comment, it helped.
cp
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This is an interesting "dark night of the soul" piece which catches the reader and occupies the mind. A basic note: "sacrafice" should read "sacrifice". Thank you for the read.
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quantumsurveyor
Thankyou so much for pointing that sp. error! I get embarrassed. I am so pleased that you said it occupied your mind! Thankyou so much for thinking into it! I occupy it far to much I'm afraid. But getting things out into perspective helps and so do thoughtful comments like the one you have left.
Thanks!
castaway
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