Emotion swirls like art
Flying around me seeping from my every pore
Blue raindrops puddle like paint on the world below
Watercolor drips from my eyes
Flowing like rivers
Life smudges into forever
With the spill of red paint
A contest entry
- Free verse poems .. by Manoj Sanyal.
450 points, ended August 7, 2007, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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short and crisp...good luck
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now when i cry, i know it's artistic.
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this poem had my mind filled with images
youdid a great job on this poem
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Red paint ending was quite morbid- took the pretty imagery and gave it a bit of a bloody tint, which I really liked. This poem has a pleasent cadence and easily draws the reader into it.
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good
I like this, very discriptive...
I love the line 'emotions that swirl like art'. It makes me think of how I sometimes get confused about what emotion I'm feeling at a particular time... -
Monet, used paint as you have used it here...subtle strokes to emphasis what he wanted people to focus on. Watercolors, have that wonderful soft dreamlike quality that can capture the imagination, often leaving us devoid of anger, allowing the senses to relax and unwind, rather than frustrate and aggravate. I enjoyed this poem very much and thank you for the enjoyable pastime of reminiscence
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The idea's a little mainstreem, but the presentation is WOW. You've put to words what I believe many people feel, but don't have the courage to look back on enough to write about. Very nice.
I especially love this part:
Watercolor drips from my eyes
Flowing like rivers
Keep up the good work!!
Salaam (peace)!!
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good
I like your imagery of tears with watercolors. I especially like the line "Life smudges into forever". Life can be elusive.
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:)
Very intelligent write...
I admire this piece for its imagery and texture of words. It takes a lot of imagination and meditation to write a good poem, and I believe you have accomplished that.
My emotional response is very empathetic. With each line, my emotions tune into what you are saying... which is good.
You wanted my honest opinion, and there you have it... I really prefer not to give criticism, because I would feel like a hypocrite. I am also a poet, just like you, and would not want my work to be criticized.
Keep up the writes!
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I just wanted to add some applause
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A Fantastic
I thought this was an amazing piece of poetry. I loved the way you used your words to bring such beautiful images to me the reader. This is one of the best poems I have ever read.
Thankyou so much for writing this beautiful poem and sharing it with me. All best wishes from Rose xx x
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It's really pretty. You bring in the effect of colored paints to bring in the effect of blood. Suicide or something else, it's a beautiful metaphor for life and it's pains.
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Very good! I enjoyed reading this, emotional. Though I don't understand were the red paint comes from, but that's OK this is your poem if you understand it and it holds deep meaning for you don't ever change it! I really loved this part-"Flowing like rivers Life smudges into forever"It held allot of emotion, gave off a distant vibe! I through you a water-color rose and blow you a kiss ♥ !
Keep writing, God bless,
~Amber
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the read paint is a metaphor for blood or death, also rage it portrait with the same color. take it as what you will. thank you for the comment
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I enjoyed this poem, although I'm not sure where the red paint fits into it. It seems odd.
I like the line "life smudges into forever". It just makes me think of time, the way it seems to move so slowly, and the passage of time is so subtle, but you always look back and notice things that have changed. Or things that were once clear to you seem a little vague when time gives you more perspective and opens your mind.
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I like your first line, it is a good image, but if you are going to liken emotion to art, why not mention some art in the poem, for example:
Emotion swirls like art,
face held in my hands like the eternal Scream
That way it alludes to Edvard Munch’s painting The Scream
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Scream
Or maybe there is a Picasso or some other painting that captures the emotion you want to convey.
Also, if you change the present participles to action verbs, it will strengthen the poem.
it flies around me
seeps from every pore.
Blue rain puddles like paint
on the world below.
Watercolor flows from my eyes
like rivers
life smudges it forever
with the spill of red paint.
The end is so ambiguous. I’d suggest letting the reader have some idea how the red paint (which I assume is a metaphor for blood) got spilled. -
This was a nice piece of work that utilised the painting analogy with skill. thanks so much for the read.
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Excellent...as always!
Very vivid picture painted cuz. Great as always! Love you and miss you! xoxoxo
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