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Gemstones

Shining like half of the sun
Brightness and beauty coming from one crystal

So many shiny gemstones in this small world

Very few people go searching for diamonds

Most people don't think about admiring the beauty of rubies

If they were to appreciate such beautiful gemstones

they would start searching for them in a store

Very few people will take time to care about the beauty of a precious gemstone

 

 

 

Author notes

What my poem is saying is that, very few people take time to admire the beauty of the earth and i used gemstones as my example.

A contest entry

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Comments


  • Amunet Wolfbane Moderators member
    August 18, 2007

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    Ooops, think you entered this one twice. Anyway, I was saying that you did well getting your message across with your poem and delivering your thoughts. I really liked this piece. I actually collect gemstones myself


  • RedPetals
    August 11, 2007
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    Ooh very nice. I love this poem. Its very descriptive. your mind is a gemstone itself.


  • Everwind Rising
    August 3, 2007

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    Oh lil' sis, I love this. You are so right that people overlook the beauty of creation all around. This is a very deep thought for someone so young. I didn't realize you were writing about more than just gemstones until I read your author notes.

    You might try making your gemstones into metaphors. A metaphor is when you write about something but it really represents something else. Your mom can explain it to you. She is excellent at using metaphors in her poetry.

    One way you could make your gemstones into metaphors would be this way:

    1. Think of what beautiful things of the earth that you think people don't take the time to admire.
    For example - the beautiful stars and beautiful sunsets

    2. Think of which jewels best represent those beautiful things.
    Example - stars are like shining diamonds and rubies are like the color of the sky at sunset

    3. Write these representations into your poem like this-

    Very few people go searching for the diamonds of starlit skies
    Most people don't think about admiring the beatuty of rubied sunsets
    If they were to appreciate such beautiful gemstones
    they would start searching for them in earth's storehouse of beauty

    By using metaphors in this fasion readers will understand that you are writing about more than just gemstones in your poem. They will understand that you are talking about the beauty of earth without having to read your author notes. All the thoughts will be in your poem itself.

    If you don't quite understand, ask your mom about this and she can explain it to you. Either way I love the message of this poem. Great job!


  • nichtmich silver member
    August 3, 2007

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    Excellent Example

    There are many precious gems in the world, a sunrise or a rabbit in my yard. You're soooo right! Precious gems, most people understand but how often do we look for nature's beauty? You have done a wonderful job of getting your message across, this is a lovely gem too!