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Billboards along hwy 70 on the way to St Louis from Kansas

mile markers from 41-238 means we don't
need a clock - just the speed limit and miles to tell us
how far away we are from where home used to be.

Auxvasse Creek - east of Columbia
I don't know how to pronounce it -
"Oh-Vax"
"Aww-Vahs"
"Ox-Vase"
Who knows, like my own last name.
"Everybody spells it wrong."  Like
Gravois Road which changes its name from north
to east to south and southwest.

As when I was young, we don't
eat breakfast or have milk or OJ
before a long drive; on vacations it's
soda and water. (those settle better
on jostling neglected highways)

Loutre River

"Louder" or "Looter"

 

I can see the treetops swaying

not like the KS trees that lean to the West.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression? • Line numbers
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?) (Line numbers)

Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • Fixing Tomorrow
    October 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    gotta love those kansas trees.
    I like this write. It was well written and you give just the right kind of details to make this work. I really like the way you worked with the names.


  • Dragons Lady
    September 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is wonderfully written. Very imaginative with vivid imagery. The flow is smooth. Loved it.


  • artis gold member
    September 12, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    just took that route on a three thousand mile jaunt out west,

    stopped to crawl in a chicken nugget that took me up in the arch that wasn't Mcdonalds, what a view, i like your wandering road trip, it felt like I was in the car....Artis

  • Manoj Sanyal
    August 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Interesting poem.
    I can see the treetops swaying

    not like the KS trees that lean to the West... uncommon conclusion.
    Good luck.

  • ILuvsMeKitties
    August 5, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    this makes me want to take a road trip, the only thing about driving that long is your butt get tired, but it is great to see new places and get to watch everything float by, their are some really beautiful places, my favorite part of you poem is" i can see the treetops swaying" " not like the ks trees that lean to the west" you did a great job

  • Fairy Nutty Buddy silver member
    August 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Actually, I like this the way it is, it envokes a dreamy, driving to a new home with a mental state of memories and questions and images. I like that it has no particular goal (in my mind) other than the thoughts of a traveler on their way to a new home.

    It may be only about traveling for vacation, but the line "where home used to be" makes me think the traveling is leaving your old home and traveling to a new home, so that's what I got out of it.

    I do think if you have more of these thoughts that they could be added and enhance the poem even more, but then again I could be wrong on that!


  • Danna Hobart
    August 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    As when I was young, we don't

    You have a tense conflict in this line. "Was" is past tense, "don't" is present tense.

    • ea silver member
      August 3, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Interesting piece

      How she has it written is perfectly acceptable. It is like saying "We don't eat breakfast (now) just like when I was young (we didn't). " I wondered about the lack of punctuation in line three of that stanza though. Is there a reason not to break this line with a period and start "On vacations..." as a separate thought? To me it runs on, but perhaps has a purpose, as the piece seems to be conveying something that's out of control -- like the child's inability to pronounce the words as they rush past her on the highway. It almost gives me a feeling of car sickness.

      mile markers "mean" in the first line, I would definitely recommend, since markers ís plural.

      Good luck in the comp.

  • Immortally Yours gold member
    August 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I really like this ... I think you have done a wonderful job on this piece ... The thoughts that go through our mind when we are traveling ... "how the hell do you pronounce that?" you just said here ... what all of us think ... and you really penned a beautiful write ... well done hon ... I think you got gold here! ... Good Luck In The Contest ... Much Love To Ya ... SparkehKiss
1 - 10 of 10