I never killed the hummingbird
feeding on unorthodox nectar,
[below blossoms
allergic to pollen.]
instead, earth grew wings,
& tried to make them dance
[in the beat] clinging to
seasons.
once harvesters who cropped
authenticity’s breaths
had changed colours like time,
air itself brought meaning
nowhere near the edge of the world.
~Fly away home,
impossibility.
[with your broken limbs;
a cast left unsigned
by black markers, dried.]
The wind beneath your wings
was inhaled by your own starving lungs;
flight found itself faster
than forgotten light,
inside the free-fall
of to-do-list death.
[a paper airplane burning.]
Author notes
First part(unexpanded) - http://allpoetry.com/poem/3264248
Inspired by "Oblivion's Outskirts" again, but this time I stuck with the idea and made it "Oblivion's Core."
A contest entry
- Teen Idol 5: Round 7 [Finals] Part D by Tangled Angle.
350 points, ended August 9, 2007, 4 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrite Fiesta! - For my Favourites - by Never Fall in Love.
1250 points, ended March 13, 2008, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Shoot.
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Sometimes I wonder if you too really are 16 [*cough*littleboy*cough*]
I loved the whole idea about this and the explanation that you gave to trista was steller in backing everything up.
The wind beneath your wings
was inhaled by your own starving lungs;
This leaves me utterly speechless and a few other lines within this as well. It's so much like time is out there just to get us. Not healing, nor wounding - just this air that keeps us on the bride of fighting and failing.
Never ♥
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This immediately drew me in by the title because I'm thinking of running a contest in the future with "oblivion" as the prompt.
"The wind beneath your wings
was inhaled by your own starving lungs;"
That was my favorite part. But when I read it the first time, my mind automatically said 'selfish lungs' instead. Which I actually thought about and I really like the idea of some one with 'selfish lungs' that ends up falling through air because of their own greed. And I just realized I haven't written a poem about selfishness.
Off to write... -
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lol! well glad you were... um .. inspired? by my poem? ..i think. lol, good luck. & thanks for the comments
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Yes, inspired would be the right word.
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Hi Ryan,
Honestly...I have no clue what this poem really means, but I'm in awe of the phrasing.
It's just so...poetic. (Well, duh! lol) Forgive me, I just can't seem to find a better word.
The alliteration at the end is amazing:
"flight found itself faster
than forgotten light,
inside the free-fall"
I love the way that rolls off my tongue when I read it out loud.
Just one question - did you mean "breathes" or "breaths" in L10?
Congrats on the bronze. I may or may not comment, but I'm off to read the next part of this. You've got me curious. lol
Best wishes,
~J.
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Well, it is VERY confusing I guess, like I believe I said to you before... still working on the part of the my poetry where I don't hid it so much. Its hard to break old habits. The eggs are a symbol of growth and time, and through the whole poem I was able to use birds coming from eggs as a metaphor of time catching up to us. Making our own moments in life stuck in feelings inside oblivion. Hope that clears things up. And yes, I think thats a typo. Thanks.
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Wow, this was stellar. One of your best so far this season.. if not the best.
Great work. -
I like the opening line, as well as 'allergic to pollen' were very strong lines. Lines like that make pieces stand out. I really enjoyed this.
Khourey
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