Bedtime Diary

Brittany Anne Benoit
Summer of 2007

Hey Guys,
Ok, I am starting something new on you. I am in the process of making my manuscript for a published book... how cool is that!?!?!?! So, I am going to run my book (he he he... thats so fun to say!!!) by my loyal readers first!!!



Chapter 1          Diary of a Girl Transforming

All my life I've known one thing. I am an ordinary girl... except I am a tomboy. Cursed with the mind of man, i don't really understand my friends who are girls... their fickle ways confuse me. Most of all in the areas of relationships and love.

This is a Diary of a Girl Transforming from a silly little tomboy, to a young lady. These changes- which bring out the best and worst in me- I wish I did not have to have. Why do they find a need to make a change in me?

Terror of a Child

A child is waking in the night, and try as she might,
She can't shake the feeling, that something isn't right.
Never realizing that her daddy is gone.
Telling her was the hardest thing to do,
Knowing everyday she'll ask about you.
And everytime she wakes in the night,
Crying and caught up in a fright.
Because now she knows it's true,
Never again will she see you.

One thing I could never figure out when I was younger is why my dad left me. I couldn't figure it out... I would think things like 'It's my fault' and 'If I wasn't here he would still be here'. It took a long time for me to figure out that it wasn't my fault. I guess after that (which took the better part of 14 years) the trust issues started to melt away.

June 6, 2005

SUMMER BREAK!!! It has been awsome! Alto Frio was amazing! I have made a lot of new friends, and a lot of decisions too. I gave my camp testamony at evening worship and I didn't get all sick like I usually do... wierd. Today has mostly just been lazy day because I got sick, but tomorrow I start working towards summer training. I came home on fire for Jesus, and I don't plan to let that fire burn out.

p.s. I met a really nice guy. We are just friends, but he reminds me of someone... but I don't remember who... odd...

Faithful Five

There are five things I question myself about.... the faithful five. Peace, Hope, Love, Joy and Faith itself. Five simple phrases that sum up my Questions:

What is Peace? Can it be achieved?
Can we use it today and tomorrow,
and can it be received?
Even with so much sorrow?

What is Hope? Seems only God knows.
When in doubt, I push back,
I lack Hope and it shows.
But I am only fake, one big act.

What is Love and is it real?
Is it an inside thing, too
or is it just something you feel?
Never knowing if it's true?

What is Joy and where is it at?
How do you find this?
Does it come from a boy,
from one amazing kiss?

Mostly, What is Faith? Is it forever?
Can it be maintained by me?
To keep in me whatsoever?
Can it be kept for you to see?

Five Blessings
Five Questions.
What is true love, real joy, peace, strong hope,
and forever faithfulness?

Maybe as we grow,
these things become clear
but now I can live with
this...

puppy love
joy from a kiss
peace in my head
feeble hope in myself
and strong faithfulness in my God.
Forever.



Brittany Benoit
11/24/02


Entering into Christianity
(and sanity.... sort of)

Diary of a Girl Unknowing

There are a lot of things about this world I do not understand- like some of the people in it. Life, Love, and God. Through 17 years I still can't figure out what love is- until today. I realized here, on July 16, 2007, God loves me... and who cares if anyone else does.

17 Years

What I have realized,
From 17 years of hurt.
These memories I have,
Make it all worth,
living for.

What I have seen,
Through 17 years of pain.
Dwelling on all I have survived
While standing in the rain-
Once more.

What I have learned,
In 17 years of wrongs,
Is I finally have a place
Where I belong-
With you.

What I have realized
In 7 days with you,
Is 17 years can be erased,
And everything can be made new-
Because of you.


Diary of a Girl in Love
Okay, now... there is one word I never say to anyone but my parents... Love. I have never experience love... until now. But this time, it isn't a little school-girl crush that lasts a week... it is true this time. Oh my goodness! But I am so afraid I am going to do something stupid and screw it all up. I, Brittany Anne Benoit, am ready to make a commitment to you, Thomas Edison Perry. I love you!



Foolish Pride

We're from two different worlds, You and I.
I am steadily reaching towards the sky.
I have waited so long, for someone to set me free.
But what I have found, after all this time, someone loves me.
Brittany... someone loves me.

You have come into my life, and turned my life around.
I don't know who I am, I can't keep my feet on the ground.
This is a new feeling, this happiness inside.
But my greatest fear is I'll push you aside...
My foolish pride.

I have learned to have a little faith, it's true.
I am willing to wait for you, I'll wait for you.
And in the end, if you leave, I will be able to see.
If what I percieved was real... if you loved me.

But the fault would be on me, because I know,
And everyone says it's easy to spot, I let it show.
Opposite of what I feel inside, I did push you aside,
Brittany gave in to her foolish pride.
 

Diary of a Girl Surviving

Okay, the heat in the kitchen is getting harder and harder to handle!!! In the end, it will all be worth it this time, but for now, the sun seems to never set. I am spending all this time reassuring him, but I am never really sure how they feel myself. It will all be revealed when they all meet. I just hope he still loves me after meeting the parents.... pray for him!

The Wish

My only wish for you,
Is that your ever dream comes true.
And you find along the way,
My love for you is here to stay.
And everyone knows you must,
Find the friends you forever trust.
And count me in as one of the few,
Because I could never betray you.
My wish for you, you see,
Is to be all you can be.
Never give up, never lose heart,
Not very long will we be apart.
I love you, believe it's true,
Just as I believe in you.
And if I die before you do,
Please believe I'll wait for you.
And the one question I have you see,
Would you, in turn, wait for me?


Diary of a Girl in Limbo

Wow, so school started back and it was terrible. It is so hard to find that all those people you thought were your friends arent anymore. It kinda sucks.

I am going out with this guy...and he is perfect. It's like he's too good to be true. I feel that now he is my only true friend in this place, even better than those I have known for years.

These Friends of Mine

"Women are evil, they hurt each other and rip each other to shreads over the smallest things. Men, you see, smack each other and get it over with, then go and grab a beer."

It seema that we never know,
Who our friends really are,
Until something happens...
And no one is there.
You call everyone you know,
And that one person comes running.
In your time of need,
They will drop everything,
To be with you, that is...
More than I can say,
For these friends of mine.

No one will come running,
When I need a friend.
No one will drop everything,
When I need a hand.
No one will build me up,
When the world has shot me down.
No one will be there,
None of these friends of mine.

~Brittany~

Diary of a Girl Depressed