he was a puppet on
strings of smoke
drifting from a stale cigarette.
this one was from that fat waitress in
that diner at the base of a
faceless tourist attraction.
he didn't actually smoke.
not really.
his car was back in New Orleans but
if you asked him
it was just down the road.
"i remember Paris"
he'd say if you bought him a drink
"and Dallas and London
"The Alamo"
He had never really seen any of them.
not really.
sepia toned and faded
he did remember a city without a name
and riding horseback through empty streets.
In those days he hadn't given
other places much thought
The film flickers, his eyes, milky blue, close.
nothing is worth remembering.
not really.
Author notes
Written September 5th, 2003
In a list
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Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Amazing. Explicit. Wonderful. Amazing imagery, nice flow, mind captivating. absolutly womderful! Bravo
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Interesting write ...
and it does remind me of a few passing acquaintances along the road of life. Not bad.
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Great!
I like the image of this old man. Seems as if I have met a few myself! smile.
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you do have very vivid imagery here. my only suggestion is that you make the capitilazation uniform. i like the story line. viyanna r langager
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you do have very vivid imagery here. my only suggestion is that you make the capitilazation uniform. i like the story line. viyanna r langager
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I liked this, the poem kep my imagination I enjoyed it completely.
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Some of the imagery here is great: "a puppet on strings of smoke". And yet you artfully blend that into the narrative of a nameless place found on a darkened street nestled in the heart of nowhere, all the while challenging the veracity of what is presented.
"The film flickers, his eyes, milky blue, close.": that's a great line. Overall, I like the way this reads. You've created a piece that is challenging not only for what it says, but what it implies (that history is suspect at best).
I also like the way you play with expectations and perceptions. When our protagonist remembers "a city without a name", we wonder where or how that could be. Then we discover that "In those days he hadn't given other places much thought", causing us to reflect on the accuracy of his memory. Of course, the importance of the facts is, again, challenged throughout. Well done.
Edited on Sep 15, 11:16 because ''. -
Hmmm...I like this a lot. It has just the right amount of texture added in with a short story/poetic display. i love it! Keep writing and I will read more. "If you write it...she will come."
~Vampy~
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Interesting..new. I like this. Just the imagery and how it flows from image to image..thought to thought. The first stanza drew me in with how it changed from smoke, to cigarette, to waitress to diner..a faceless tourist attraction. Faceless like the man, faceless like most of humanity. Memories of a reality that never existed...perhaps due to a hard life, perhaps due to television..pick your poison. While the first stanza drew me in, the last one kept me and made me want to read this over and over again. Especially the last line. Astounding job.
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