Newest star in the sky, flying so high
So much higher than the hollow moon
One of the few that ever wondered why
Always dreaming as dawn turns into noon
Escape the disaster that is your life
It only takes one to open that door
But the world is on the edge of a knife
A decision can leave the world in awe
Newest star in the sky, flying so high
So much higher than the lonely moon
One of the few that ever wondered why;
Footprints in the snow faded much too soon
Talent turned to nothing but despair
Away from this world no one left to care.
Author notes
This is the rhyming poem. Link to non rhyming poem http://allpoetry.com/poem/3408304
A contest entry
- PIF - Two 4 One Prewrites by apoeticinjustice.
1240 points, ended May 2, 2008, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrite Plethora by TheDemonEve.
1100 points, ended May 30, 2008, 46 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
-
Some of the rhyming could be improved, and the last stanza left me hanging, wanting you to finish up the piece, but the part that made it impossible for me to leave this piece out was this: "Newest star in the sky, flying so high
So much higher than the lonely moon
One of the few that ever wondered why;
Footprints in the snow faded much too soon."
Best of luck and thanks for entering!
-
despair and depression are such powerful fuel for the muse, thanks for entering such a strong write. well done.
Rory
-
I am confused... I had trouble reading past the first stanza as your word economy seemed a bit, superfluous. I like what you are attempting here and think you have alot of raw talent, we just need a way to help you harness it in and learn that economy is greater than imagery sometimes.
good writer and thanks for entering. -
This is a very good poem. Very rich in emotion. A very simple thing of life turned into something even greater. Wonderful job! keep writing!
-
Wonderful. The beginning reminded me of one of my own poems.
I love the way you took something so simple as a star and made it into something so much more.
Keep up the good work.
-
This is very thought provoking and very sharp in terms of its images and interpretations my friend. You have brought an outpouring of words with their own open images that just add that extra magical touch. Keep that pen handy dear poet!
midnight lace -
Very poetic and beautiful. You can see a birth arriving in the sky and a beautiful sight being brought to those looking up.
Very nice take on the birth of a star and I like how it could mean the birth of anything really.
Good job! -
"So much higher than the lonely moon"
this is really great line
-
I love the description of the newest star, great imagry and very beautifully written.
Adding your comment:
1 - 9 of 9
