Because we are rebels,
we park on the double yellow lines-
my belly is not stiff with roots
and you find your way easily enough,
as our shadows play tongue tricks
that lengthen in the evening
they are the costumes we were born in:
& they dance around me, separated.
In the darkness
you make tracks to my lips,
the narrow crevice
of a seed- watch for me to break
and bloom;
petals peeled like the scales of
a sleeping cobra, each one
desperately similar
as I wonder
what a horse thinks
on the way to the slaughter house
you moan “Ackee—”
and (un-)ripe me in the backseat
but do not realise
itcould kill you, Adam.
Author notes
Ackee is poisonous when eaten before it is ripe
A contest entry
- PIF - 48 HOURS - FRUITY by NurseChilly.
525 points, ended August 4, 2007, 5 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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amazing. the imagery and the meaning here is absolutely perfect. wonderful job!
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That's relaly kind of you
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Another good write
As always you find a way to make use of the most mundane topic and turn it into a spectacular piece.
Well done -
"my belly is not stiff with roots
and you find your way easily enough,
as our shadows play tongue tricks
that lengthen in the evening
they are the costumes we were born in:
& they dance around me, separated."
such clear images!
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Deep and powerful writing deep seeded emotions appear grand imagery and the words flow with ease a wonderful write...
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Just the title drew me in...
I love your descriptions. I.E., "my belly is not stiff with roots"... Who thinks of stuff like that? It's awesome.
I'm not even sure how to describe this one. It's just freaking awesome. I love, love, LOVE it. ! -
as I wonder
what a horse thinks
on the way to the slaughter house
love that line,
this is a really well written piece xx -
Great poem! congratulations on the silver!
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Yes, very dangerous to venture into unripe territories.
And catholic girls are so naughty lol!
Oh, it's also poisonous when not prepared/cooked properly even when it is ripe.
That half hour came in pretty handy here, as I think this was fine writing indeed deary.
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good poetry girl.. good poetry
m
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I didn't expect to place whatsoever in this!
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'In the darkness
you make tracks to my lips,
the narrow crevice
of a seed'
Wow, I loved that whole verse. It's like it just suddenly took a bitter turn, very dark indeed. I like it being linked to ackee being poisonous. very viscious.
well done in the contest!
<33
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strong and poignant hun
loved it... well done
G.x -
Ackee is yummy (especially with salt fish). That's my national dish!
Now, I'm just waiting for your yummy write Jess. (no pressure of course)
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:S no.. it's really not my best. I've had no time till half an hour this morning to do it, and I'm already late. Never mind
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no offense but im lost as to what im supposed to be reading?
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