.aftermath.

I search for the moment
the instant
in which I will suddenly
understand

in which I will hear a click

and it will all become
clear

unadulterated

truth.

I reach blindly-
desperately-
into the unfathomable black
that is the future
my hands grasping nothing
my eyes finding oblivion

but still I reach
a war cry on my lips
the endless question on my tongue

For existing here,
in the utter confusion and
aftermath
that is your wake
I am bereft of all certainty.

I search for that moment
when clarity and truth come
smashing down upon me
when why and how
collide
and make perfect,
unavoidable sense
when terror and desire
explode
and I understand
everything
about
you

I search.

But the moment,
and you-

elude me.