This pain isn’t physical,
Yet it hurts to the bone
And as of late
The pain has only grown.
No one knows better than me
How it feels to be alone.
I lose my faith
As it slowly drowns.
The feeling of emptiness
And loneliness abounds,
But laughter and cries are absent.
Oh, how I miss those sounds.
It was long ago,
But the memory’s clear.
I doubt that it
Will ever disappear.
And for every star that falls
I wish that you were here.
A contest entry
- "Felt" poetry. ONLY by shirk.
1500 points, ended October 8, 2007, 110 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
depression much?
i can relate to this a lot lol
i have written a poem sayin almost the exact same things as what you have... (cept i think you said it better lol)
very very nice and i love the lines...
The feeling of emptiness
And loneliness abounds,
But laughter and cries are absent.
Oh, how I miss those sounds.
Amazing ! -
Nice use of rhyming, it really helped tie the whole thing together. However, I think this poem could do with some polishing. Please note that the following is personal opinion.
I would prefer to see some punctuation to aid the flow of the words. So, line 1 should have a comma, line 4 should have a period, etc.
Be careful about using clichés and old sayings. 'Hurts to the bone' is a good example of this. There's got to be a more original way for you to say this.
I don't think you used 'abound' correctly in line 10. It's a verb, and should be conjugated correctly. This should probably be 'loneliness abounds'.
Good luck in the contest!
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