Mother sky opened her
Mouth for me, slight,
Breeze ridden breath
Whispering secrets of sea and storm.
I caught her cloud words
Between fingers dripping time
And wrote them for the world
With the cracks in my hands and feet.
Author notes
wordwordword
A contest entry
- "Felt" poetry. ONLY by shirk.
1500 points, ended October 8, 2007, 110 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Bwa-the-fuck-ha. I LOVE THIS. keep ridden in my opinion. But I am different. And if you like it other way, change.
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I really enjoyed this one. I think the only line I have issues with is the third one. The word 'ridden' normally has a very negative concept. Moss-ridden, mold-ridden, etc. It's on the same level as 'infested,' in my mind. If it were me, I'd rewrite it as something like 'breeze-laden' or 'breeze-perfumed.'
But that's a small quibble. Excellent work -
What simple but challenging imagery. I particular like "secrets of sea and storm", or the concept of whispering out nature. Beautiful.
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