The chromatic aberration causes minds deluge,
crashing synergy like matter and anti matters
collision, din awakens celestial cloister;
a snap of lightning embraces the sky,
eyes fixed fast upon Draco and Andromeda in the North,
waning sapphire heavens fade, nitrogen and hydrogen
burn procuring life another day, the golden guardians
thirst is quenched; super nova protracted, piceous
horizons enacted, skies bleed a dark lifeblood.
Constellations arouse the artist to paint prolific
structures of aquarious and pleiades playing,
ever softly envisioning the Godly Astercism the
non terrestrial blankets depict, not to miss
the lovely luna tethered starkly by cosmic strings, perusing
across the sky; terra firma stood I, agape as the
cosmic dust floating unerringly arbitrarily through
the divine, In awe as the seamlessly perfect theatre that
I patron tonight for free, displayed yet another divine deity,
a meteoroid plummeting to Earth, watching the moonlight
percolate through its gay gallop across my view, I knew I was home.
The syzygy elliptic tribunal convened this eve,
the immortal deities the Sun, the Moon and the Earth, charge
you with an ungodly curse, for you the waiter shall live to
see your family die and never be free, free from our watches our
pale reverie, of life in solace you'll have to be--
detached and rabid, live like we, barely ever to meet, except
night like this to punish the fiends.
A contest entry
- Round one of four by Fire Opal, grannyeri, jess09stevenson, x Empathic Rose x, and IndividualEleven. by IndividualEleven.
800 points, ended September 8, 2007, 14 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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good job
i like this very much. Deep, poetic, and meaning. I wish you good luck in this contest, since i am one of the judges. Nice work.
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Impressive and creative use of the word bank, this does make one think, as I can see myself there in the imagery gazing up at the crashing meteoroid
this is a brilliant piece, I believe its been nomiated a few times Ill have to check, but great work! -Jacen.
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So much to see in the lines of this poem - good use of the words in the word bank lists. Liked the second verse best of all.
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a cosmic masterpiece.....
This is a brilliant piece, hands down. This is something that I picture on the front page of an astronomy book. It's studded with vivid imagery, through and through. My big brother started teaching me about astronomy when I was really little. We would spend hours staring off into the night sky. My nine year old son wrote two short poems about astronomy, and I have them both on my profile page. My son's love for science is so thrilling.
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Jeeze this one is good. I like everything, the allusions, the knowledge of astronomy, and Greeks...It makes the poem so much more scholarly, you know? Haha. The flow is right, and there are just the right amount of big words that make it easy to follow. I really get the feeling of awe, sensing how dwarfed we are by the galaxy in the second stanza. The last stanza would be the only itch, it seems off from the the previous stanzas, because you were more focused on the wonder of the cosmos and how struck you were. The mood shifts from awe to somewhat angry? Its a really cool ending, but maybe not for this poem. Its really good though.
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not sure i like the format but hey nemind its the words im looking for
"Constellations arouse the artist to paint prolific
structures of aquarious and pleiades playing,
ever softly envisioning the Godly Astercism the
non terrestrial blankets depict, not to miss"
"the lovely luna tethered starkly by cosmic strings, perusing
across the sky; terra firma stood I, agape as the
cosmic dust floating unerringly arbitrarily through
the divine, In awe as the seamlessly perfect theatre that
I patron tonight for free, displayed yet another divine deity,
a meteoroid plummeting to Earth, watching the moonlight
percolate through its gay gallop across my view, I knew I was home"
the things you have written here particularly what i have picked ouit are amazing.
I love your descriptions. I just wish you had formatted your work so that the pauses were better pronounced because there are no breaks and this puts people off reading. I love words when I have time to dwell upon them and becasue all your wonderful words are packed together like this it does all the meanings and emotions no justice. but if you do edit your format do not edit your words they are too beautiful to describe.
i love this piece for the potential it has good work:
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thanks everyone, its much appreciated.
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This was a very beautiful piece. Again I like the Greek references and also like the references to theatre. I thought the 2nd verse was especially nice and full of great descriptions. I thought the 3rd verse slightly out of place with the rest of the piece, of course I could be wrong since my overall understanding is so small...but it just seemed that way at least in comparison and length to the rest of the piece. Anyway it was still a fantastic write in which I am sure you will undoubtedly outshine everyone else in the contest.
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i actually understood most of this, despite the vocabulary in it XD.
really good tho, the imagery is splendid, and the concept the poem is based on is awesome too.
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Wow, is this piece ever tightly packed with tremendous imagery and a very interesting vocabulary. This is just a fabulous poem , and I wish you all the best of luck in the contest. This is a winner in my books.
David Michaels
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beautiful piece you have penned here again my friend,
keep up the awesome work
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