I walk by the shoreline,feeling water splash my legs
Just thinking how beautiful the ocean is,makes me wish I could swim and live in it forever
They are so beautiful
I just want to dive in and never have to worry about the troubles anylonger
I keep walking and walking until the sun sets
I run into the night following the beat of the waves hitting the shore
After what seems days,I stop running,I sit down in the sand and watch the waves and feel the ocean water hit my feet
I just sit their watching the moonlight rays hit the ocean
I walk into the ocean letting the water take over
I dive into the water and swim away.
A contest entry
- [Come Undone] by whiterabbit..
450 points, ended August 27, 2007, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I'm am so bored Give me something to do by Miss Chievous.
335 points, ended September 16, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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this is filled with nice images that the reader can see without having to have it all explained. That's the mark of a good poet. You do however, use the word their when it should be there .. it's in the 3rd from last line.
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Great use of simple and uncomplicated words and language. I feel very soothed after reading this. Thank you for sharing and best wishes to you. Keep that pen handy dear poet. ~Midnight Lace
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This is lovely.
As I read it I had beautiful visions of watching the sun go down over the horizon. I used to live by the sea so this has wonderful memories for me as I used to do exactly what you are describing. My favourite part of this is:-
I walk into the ocean letting the water take over
I dive into the water and swim away.
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Carefree seting. peacefull and relaxing. thank you for writing this.
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Beautiful.
I love when you watch a sunset by the ocean
Thnaks for entering -
Very nice but obviously you didn't read the rules. I suggest you read them again.
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Very Good
An original poem.
The ocean does have that appeal which you describe.
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I really love the imagery. It's a simple poem but it definitely works. Great job.
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I have to say this poem was quite different but i did enjoy reading it of course. I liked the last 2 lines good job!
~Ocean~ -
I love the ocean!
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I found this poem quite unique
My first impression was of the intensity of your feelings. My favorite part is line four. I really do not have a part that I don't like. I find the poem to hold a lot of calming emotions in it. The comments of calming and intense sound like oppostites but they really are not. You show intense feelings of wanting to get away from it all, but also are enjoying the calming effect of the ocean on your system. You really do need to use the spell checker though it will help your poetry to flow smoother.You could also shorten your longer lines by seperating them and making them into more than one line. I hope that this is not to critical. I have trouble with spelling and typing so find the spell checker a great help as I know you will if you avail yourself of it. bless you and I hope this helps you. Keep up the good work, and again as I said I did find this poem unique and liked it a lot.
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thank u guys!u guys r great!
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This is really lovely.
You have expressed your feelings for the ocean very well here.
Good imagery too.
I liked this a lot.
Very well done indeed.
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Lovely poem. The longing in it(for the ocean) almost radiates out...almost puts the reader right there.
There seem to be a few typos, though, that you might want to look over.
nice job!! -
lovely!
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A very pretty write. I like the ending very much!
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