Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

summer senses

shards pierce
dappled,

laced lids.

 

drifting beats,
solicite
syncopated swing.

 

swarming scents,
retrieve
breeze blown bygones.

 

gamy base notes

cool,

sharp witted vowels

 

loosening,

 

reserved recess...

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 8 of 8
  • WithoutWings
    October 31, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Interesting

    Overall I really enjoyed the piece but it might be a little too abstract for my personal taste. I can see it being read by a beatnik with some bongo's if you know what I mean. It's a good original write and very descriptive and emotive, but I can't really get into the form of it.


  • PrabhuDayal Khattar silver member
    October 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    gamy base notes

    cool,

    sharp witted vowels


    Well poetic devises are chasing each other to express theirselves one by one..you were a great poet here touching the story of muse ..well done..

  • Francis Vincent
    October 14, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    very good

    a delightful read
    lots of thought provoking imagery


  • sans.paroles
    October 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    very interesting!!

    wow! I'm not usually a big fan of free verse but this is very beautiful. I love your use of adjectives, connecting them to words I would never have thought they could describe, like "sharp witted vowels" or "laced lids" or "gamy base notes". It was quite intriguing and defined each word in a new way. As far as the title, I thought it helped to explain what you were discussing in the poem. The poem was ambiguous (intentionally so, I think), and 'summer senses' gave the reader a frame of reference, as well as adumbrating your beautiful alliterations. The poem wove continual contrasts between sharpness and looseness it seemed to me, whether you did that intentionally I'm not sure. Anyway, I do honestly like it all. You have a tremendous vocabulary and I admire your balance between using luscious words while avoiding verbosity.


    • swanridur
      October 12, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much for your extremely insightful comment, I'm so glad you enjoyed it......swan


  • Midnight Lace
    September 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I love the various use of vocabulary here. Some people are so afraid to use words that are less than ordinary. You did a great job. Thank you for sharing.
    midnight lace


  • Sinnastarr silver member
    September 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    THis was in interesting piece. You portrayed your thoughts very well here. Good job and keep up the good writing.


  • Dlvvanzor
    August 1, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Wow!

1 - 8 of 8