Young Samantha was vibrant
She possessed the naiveté’ of a child
The beauty of a grown woman
And the strength of a soldier
Samantha was too wild
She would party all week
And drink all but mild
Then she would dance all night
And tease men awed by her curves
Kiss about five men in one night
Smoke two packets of cigarettes
Then she would stagger back home
But once in a while
She would leave with male company
Like the day she left with a rapper
Who wooed her heart with poetic rhymes
And before she knew it
She was smoking marijuana
And giving in to all his demands
They called her a groupie
But she never cared
She felt important.
But sooner than later
The singer got another groupie
And another, and yet another
Samantha was not important anymore
So she moved on
She went on with her wild ways
Then she decided to record a song too
Because she was a gifted singer
She could dance, she was hot
And she was a poet: she could write
But the producer fucked her, and flew out of the country
And she had no idea what to do next
She could only live like she was
Music, men, cigarettes, and lately:
Lots of weed.
Then Samantha met a man
He was gentle with her
He was comfortable to be around
His name was Billie
They went to the poetry slam together
And he once went to the club with her
Even though he was a prim and proper gentle man
Certainly not used to the wild ways of Samantha’s youth
But he took her nevertheless.
Samantha was overwhelmed
And to him; she gave her heart
It was heaven
They talked for hours on end
And he kissed her when she pouted her lips
They made love everywhere they could
And they laughed at each others mistakes
The heavens smiled down on them
Till the sun set upon Samantha
Billie was too busy to call
He was too tired to see her
Billie was tired
Billie was sleepy
He simply had no time
He broke Samantha’s heart
And when she asked
He said he did not love her
But he mighty enjoyed the sex
It was nothing emotional
‘Baby, can we keep it physical?’ he asked
Upon which Samantha agreed
Because she could not let him go
She felt used
Tainted
Abused
And she couldn’t take it anymore
So she left him
And tried to get over him.
But Billie could not let go
And she cried about him,
She thought about him always
And she had almost made it
But Billie kept insisting
So she took her broken heart
And took it back to him
Billie said he loved her
And her head spiraled when she heard that
And she loved him even more
But when she looked in his eyes
She knew:
She knew Billie could never fathom what she meant
She adored him
Billie simply liked her, and if it meant loving her so she could stay
Then he did.
Samantha was nevertheless glad to have him
Even when it hurt
Many times he still could not come through for her
And it felt like he took her broken heart
And crushed it into tiny pieces
Till she was invisible
And only he could put her together
But he did not
She never said a word
And he never seemed to notice
Billie is leaving the country
And he is leaving with her heart
But she is mollified
That she just might get
Her not so rosy life back.
At least it is worth looking forward to.
A contest entry
- LONG POEMS ONLY by Darc Soul.
600 points, ended May 27, 43 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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But she is mollified
That she just might get
Her not so rosy life back.
At least it is worth looking forward to.
Well this is very intersting story..and yes your take on the issue is properly handeled as well ..yet you could have reduced it a little bit..still I love this wonderful work..well done...
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i really really like this poem, considering my name is samantha hahah
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this was an interesting story, but it lost my interest in poem form and seemed a little loose. i'd agree with everyone else- there needs to be some more stucture. good overall content though.
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In the beginning of the poem you start off strong, but the first thing that I noticed is that you rely heavily on cliches and telling rather then showing.
'She possessed the naiveté’ of a child
The beauty of a grown woman
And the strength of a soldier'
Lines 2-4 are cliches. Yes, it describes Samantha, but not well enough to actually stick in the reader's mind, because it isn't a strong image.
Samantha generally sounds like a perfect woman, except for her giving her body away and being a little too wild. While reading the poetry it is confusing why she goes with these men, and why she sleeps with them. Clarify which flaw she has that makes her choose bad guys.
Your poem also needs better structure. Think about a I. II. III. structure since there is three men.
Your content is interesting, but you ending needs work. Try to make your poetry completely you, if you've heard it in a song - don't put it in a poem. -
I like it but I have to be honest. I think it needs a lot of editing and a little more structure. This is a good first draft.
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noticed a few mistakes... mainly typos
And it felt like he took her broken heart
And crushed it into tiny pieces
Till she was invisible
And only he could put her together
But he did not"
love love love this
although i would drop the line "till she was invisible"
because she was always really invisible to him.. although thats not where i thoguth the story was going.. i thought he would really care. because she finally did. but there is never a happy ending.. only dreams of them little fantasies.
"but he did not"
they never do.. but we never stop expecting them too
. Rewarded 8
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My little sister is named Samantha so I think it is obvious why I was drawn to this. From that point of view... I felt very emotionally connected to this piece and even though I know it wasn't about her (she's only 9) This piece is a strong reminder of how we all grow up and find how cruel can be... I enjoyed it... just made me a little sad.
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"She could only live like she was
Music, men, cigarettes, and lately:
Lots of weed."
I liked these lines a lot--but I also liked many more from the poem. These are the ones that jumped out, I think, mainly because, though it was frank, there's something deeper and more tragic behind it--some kind of revelation or some kind of statement.
Usually poems like these (the length and the literary tools) don't capture my interest for a long time, but yours did. Although I don't usually favor the direct approach poetry, I found myself quite fond of this.
I also saw lots of wisdom and insight here that I'm sure others wouldn't mind knowing. <3
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Such a tragedy when hearts fall to another that can not reciprocate the affection and we hang on with the hope and possibilties that it may. A wonderful piece with insight and you know me... I love a good story about love and life. Bittersweet as it is, this is very true of many relationships.
Thank you for adding this to our reading list!
Very enjoyable and I didn't mind the length one bit as I thought it added to the character of all that was happening for this young lady!
Jasminerose
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kind of bittersweet, with a taste of metal in my mouth when i was reading this. this is so true and sad of several relationships out there
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Kinda angsty, but good nonetheless. I found it a little long to hold my intrest though
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Outstanding
This is full of sadness. I liked how you created a character that everyone can relate to and how this was so true to life, there are many people like Samantha. I liked how you told the story of her life filled with moments of happiness and then trapped by her own feelings, loving someone who can never share her depth of feeling. A fine poem with insight and a sense of direction.
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Emotionally Intense
How many of us have had a similiar relationship that we have tried to hold on to in similiar yet sometimes equally detrimental ways? Probably more then willing to admit to. Well written, a little long, but the imagery and story held me til the end. I enjoyed it.
. Rewarded 6
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I lost interest after awhile because it was so long; but it's not for me, it's for 1der...so I thank you for your entry and the time you took. I know she'll be happy to have this. Thank you again.
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This is really great. I was definitely drawn to the story. I'm sure so many people can relate to the feeling of having so many strong emotions for a person and loving them and they just don't understand what they're doing to you. Even though this is a long poem I didn't drift off like I sometimes will. Wonderful poem.
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I really felt for poor Samantha... I know how it feels to have someone who doesn't actually love you, but whom you love, use you just for the physical things. It is very painful, especially hanging onto the fleeting hope that said person might one day love you. Very emotional write... Good luck in the contest.
L. -
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Thanks for your kind comment.I'm lost for words
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wow..i like the simplicity. the just honest...i dunno journal entry. its also told in an innocent way. almost like a children's story and yet the themes and the language is very adult. that's a duality of expression that i can dig. excellent.
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