it was my birthday

An imaginary friend once had me

We played
  tricks on each other
  threw stick at each other
  mangled our faces at each other
  invaded each other's dreams and
  reminded her of her silenced voice
  reminded me that they can't see

Who grazes steadily as I sleep
Who pushes me to my knees
Who held me down at the wrists, the fists
The Pleas
Who bit me to remind me to lie
To just lie there

We bred blame like babies together. i named her Blue.
  the color of big, overbearing skies
  the color of deep, unforgiving oceans
  of bruises
  of chilled flesh because the heart's not in it anymore

An imaginary friend once had me.

Birthed me, I mean. I came to the surface a nine year old woman.
She came to the surface a blue, floating body.
I spanked her. I laughed at her. I exposed her as invisible against the sky, the ocean, the bruise.

When breathing quietly, I envied her. Her intangible hair.
Despite my obvious size, i find it impossible to blend with the sky.
I was taught instead, the art of staying still and quiet. And to lie.
Just lie there.

An imaginary friend once had me.

Tried the white pill, the orange pill, the blue pill.
The white pill soothed her.
The orange pill dulled her.
The blue pill made her blend in.
It was suggested I stick with Blue.

i wrote her poems about cruel bull fights. I sang her songs about late night cock fights. I drew her restless fireflies.

They flew into her mouth and just lie there. She curled under tissues, like the ones you cover gifts in colorful bags with. It was my birthday.

She was clammy. She had a television set hidden behind her left eye. She held that one shut so tight the other bulged under pressure.
I popped another pill to make her blend in.
A saxaphone wailed in the backround.

Suddenly, even I couldnt see her. It was my birthday.
Intensely Blue.
light from a television beaming across the room.
She stopped winking at me and started channeling in smothered, frail memories.
Intensely Blue.

No more pills and under hypnosis,
Had to sail through leagues of blue and we arrived.
I was instructed to wave us to shore.
waving- limp wristed, eighth heartedly, exhausted-
I surfaced a nine year old woman.
She surfaced a blue, floating body.
I thanked her. For the delay.

i heard backwards counting.