Your definition of friendship
Is skewed beyond belief
You're the best, always right.
What you really want is sheep.
God forbid someone has an opinion
That differs from your own.
Will be thrown away like yesterdays news
If they dare to make it known.
Go ahead a lead your flock
And hope they remain inane.
Do not let them have a mind of their own
That would be too humane.
In time there will come a day
When you must reap what you have sown.
Your little sheep will have had enough
and you'll be left standing there alone.
A contest entry
- prewrites by aeolia.
400 points, ended October 26, 2008, 130 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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It appears your poem has been edited since you first posted it, but, as a sucker for 'cliched' poetry, I LOVED this
Granted, it may be because of personal experiences in this area, who knows - but I truly thought it was amazing, with the words chosen; and loved the rhymes... Bravo, and best wishes
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Yes I agree with you my friend..your tone is quite universl with a true message in it...well narrated thought ..
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I pretty much agree with what my friend Ptolema said; it's "shepherd," and spelling errors in the title are extremely off-putting. At least you can spell otherwise.
I can relate to your poem; I hate "friends" like that.
As a poem, the rhyme felt forced and awkward; whatever happened to metre? While this has a good message, the mechanics could have been better -- and I was looking for the perfect blend of rawness and art.
-hiraeth -
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Oh, I see you changed the title now.
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Firstly; "Shepard' is spelled wrong.. should be 'Shepherd" Unless you are talking about the astronaut, which I don't think is the case here.
You need to left-align this, and break it up; and get rid of capping the first letter of each line, it's unnecessary. Also; get rid of the periods.
Your definition of friendship
is skewed beyond belief
you're the best, always right
What you really want is sheep
God forbid someone has an opinion
that differs from your own
will be thrown away like yesterdays news
if they dare to make it known
Go ahead a lead your flock
and hope they remain inane
Do not let them have a mind of their own
That would be too humane
In time there will come a day
When you must reap what you have sown
Your little sheep will have had enough
and you'll be left standing there alone
>>this looks a lot cleaner.
>>'inane' is used incorrectly; it is an adjective, and you are using it as a noun. Not only that; but it doesn't even make sense with what you're saying.
>>Your rhyming felt contrived to me. Forcing things is never good.
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