lingering memories float on
fresh hopes at the edge of the world,
straining to remain in the minds of the
men who once did love them, but care
no more.
twisting, writhing in the midnight air,
dear remembrances thin as smoke pass
a solemn, shuddering breath,
fading into the sea.
Author notes
Please be honest when reviewing. Thanks.
A contest entry
- Options.... Ends at Midnight EST by FallingTwilight.
450 points, ended July 31, 2007, 8 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Those Green Thingys by ms-cuddles.
700 points, ended October 28, 2007, 33 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - One Whole Year: Collection Point A by Death of the Author.
600 points, ended December 1, 2007, 6 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 50-55 words by creationsfromheart.
475 points, ended March 20, 2008, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
No fluff reviews, please!
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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This one was pretty and sad. I also like how you incorporate nature/settings into your work, it makes it so much more than just words and it helps with the imagery. Another amazing write with an amazing ending
Jeanette*~
P.S. this deserved gold
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this is really good congrats on your other trophies and good luck here.
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Great imagery is captured within your words. I think you did an awesome job! Thanks so much for posting in my contest.
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Honestly...this is...very good!
I like the idea of forgotten memories having a...life of their own in a way and a place where they try to get noticed and remembered, but inevitably will probably fail. In fact, I love the idea.
And you've carried the poem off nicely with some great lines too.
lingering memories float on
fresh hopes at the edge of the world,
dear remembrances thin as smoke pass
a solemn, shuddering breath
Wow...beautiful and sad as well. I think it sucks how some memories just get washed away. I have a great head for facts but a pretty rubbish one for memories...I wonder where they go when we have forgotten them. It could become an interesting philosophical debate!
Anyway, congratulations on the silver and good luck in my contest
Thanks for entering, take care! x
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All Too Real
This reminds me of "Widow's Peak" in 'Dark Shadows'. As one who has lost a loved one, this sums up a place that I would love to go and remember him, hoping to leave all heartbreak on that ridge so I could live in the rest of the world and still have that special place for remembering. I thought you wrote this very well and the images are so real. Thank you for entering and good luck. Hugs~ Cuddles
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this is a very good write. my favorite line was " a solemn, shuddering breath, fading into the sea.
This was a good write and I saw no errors. Keep up the good work. -
twisting, writhing in the midnight air,
dear remembrances thin as smoke pass
a solemn, shuddering breath,
fading into the sea.
something to think about -
There is something very catching in the flow of the verses here.....Since I have no experience with this style of writing, I cannot pass any judgement as regards the form....Though, I must say, the images are very appropriate and impressionable. What I loved the most was the achievement of the slow, lingering effect of something gradually fading and holding onto its last moments of life....The way you managed to maintain that effect right from the start of the poem till the very last image of "a solemn, shuddering breath,/fading into the sea." is definitely applaudable. A commendable piece of art ! Keep penning !
With prayers !
Naila.
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ooooooooo this is really nice I love how it starts and how it finishes. Well done and good luck in the contest
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i liked it. it flowed very nicely.. my favorite part is:lingering memories float on ....God bless.peace!
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Interesting take on the prompt. I love the imagery and emotion.
Best of luck,
FallenPoeticAngel
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