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Shattered Diamonds - double etheree

Missing image

 

 

 

 

child
precious
gift from God
whole blank tablet
welcomed by parents
treasured cherished valued
mankind's future floats secure
held safely in wombs with welcome
such small bodies craving attention
worthy of all your devotion care love
but evil hides inside neglectful men
that choose selfishness over baby
leaving her seed rotting decayed
killing promised gifts joy hopes
shattered diamonds grieving
hurt hearts full of guilt
seared consciences
unborn needs
lacking
life

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

 

 

 

For you created my inmost being;
       you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
       your works are wonderful,
       I know that full well.

 

~ Psalm 139:13-24 NIV

 

 

 

 

I just wrote this piece a few days ago. It came from the depth of my soul.  

 

 

graphic taken from
http://www.obpcc.org/Copy%20of%20dad%20and%20baby%20hands.JPG

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Comments

1 - 39 of 39

  • Darkwell
    January 20

    Edit | Reply
    this is a gorgeous right that just Wow both sides of love for sure. i dont believe in abortion so im on the top part of the ethree

    mankind's future floats secure
    held safely in wombs with welcome

    so lovely


  • lianonsidhe silver member
    October 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Again, so beautiful!!! Where do you find these wonderful thought trails? I liked the idea of not centering the poem as it echoes the title, 'Shattered Diamonds'. Word magic, nevermind word craft! Lovely!


  • Entwining Beauty
    July 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this is breath taking beautiful poem good luck


  • grannyeri gold member
    April 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Liked the words you used in this double etheree - usually see them centered but this appears to be in good form too. Congratulations on that gold - sentiments well expressed in these lines.


  • HerbalGoat
    December 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Very well done. It is a beatituflly penned piece. I love the consonance, assonance, and alliteration consistently present. It adds the flair and beauty to an otherwise depressing poem.


  • islekine gold member
    December 25, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Thank you so much for your entry!

    this is very well penned...
    Write on!
    *PEACE ON EARTH* Mele Kalikimaka!


  • Anna Emkah
    December 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    A nice etheree, but in this form a bit hard to read. I miss the punctuation. Reading this poem I get a feeling that a child is precious (which is true, as the bible verse says too) even when it is not born yet, but that some fathers do not always see it that way; they are selfish. In that sense the choice of the title is great. Well done. Anna.


  • MassMan
    December 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Touching Piece

    Wow what a wonderful chosen graphic with it!
    I like the Etheree form myself, and have used it on ocassion. I would encourage you to back off on the loaded up adjectives which make it sound more like a list than a sincerely expressive piece as in 6 (treasured cherished valued) .
    But It does have a good message, and I like that you backed it up with a pertinent Scriptural reference.

    Thanks for taking part,
    David


  • pulpyblood-dripping
    December 16, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I like how you used a psalm as inspiration and gave it it's own life thru your writing. Good job.


  • leander Moderators member
    December 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    You have embedded a strong and powerful message in this double etheree, and poetry with this aspect are one of the few I enjoy the most

    Also, the alliteration you have used inside the lines is really a nice touch of detail!

    Thank you for entering this piece into the contest - I wish you the best of luck!
    Leander


  • SignifyingNothing
    November 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Excellent double etheree. You have introduced me to a new form of poetry. This was very powerful. I love how you crafted this, the beauty of life on one hand and the tragedy of abortion on the other, shaped in a pyramid. A truly stunning write.

  • the chase
    November 17, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    WOW.


  • Li snuffles
    November 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    It really did come from the depths of your soul

    its amazingly beautiful and sweet you can feel do much emotion from it

    its a really well written poem also

    good luck!!


  • only1love4ever
    November 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I am not yet a mother, someday I really hope to be. But this is so incredible, you wrote deeply and it has inspired me so. Thank you so much for entering. You did wonderful!!


  • aslanlight
    September 2, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    A wonderful etheree with the promise of hope and a strong warning. It means a lot to me today because my baby brother's just become a dad for the first time!
    I see you've written a lot of these. I'll have to read some more and see if it'll improve mine.

    Peace Georgia


  • SoS
    August 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    While I do suppost abortion, I think that this poem was very effective in making me think twice about it. You used the words to your advantage, and you did it well. Thanks for entering, and god bless.


  • brentsrich
    August 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is beautiful and tragic. I love how the form of the double etheree implies the mother's belly. This has a richness to it, both ethereal and raw.

    Thanks for entering.


  • HeavenScent4U
    August 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this is absolutely wow and you know how i found it? i was googling double etherees and this and several others by you popped up as i am attempting my first one. i sure am glad i stopped by this. starts out so beautiful but ends with such pain. i don't know what to feel at this moment.

    best of luck in the contest. be well and be blessed

    • thelordreigns gold member
      August 11, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks so much. I am teaching the Etheree Experiments class here at AP so I have been writing a bunch of them for examples. Please join us if you'd like!

      Hugs - joanne


  • Amera gold member
    August 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Oh my! This is very well done! I love the Etheree and this one is a double that flows like liquid to a bitter sweet image; the gift then mans inhumanity to man. Bravo! Well stated.

    Love,
    Amera ♥


  • Sherry gold member
    August 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Joanne, This starts off so beautiful but ends so painful and heart breaking ouch it surely reflects the neglect of a daddy and the emotional problems.

    Which later sadly the children suffer maybe even later in adult years. Like perhaps the happiness of a couple thier baby everything seeming once alright then through divorce things just turn out differently. One thing is they don't learn what a daddys love really is or know how much when hes not around the child growing up. Or what sometimes it even feels like then its like that child grows up and still carries hidden scars. Although they come out in other ways through needing to trust or feeling secure with a guy and I guess that is due to the hurt suffered as a child. (Was this to personal or does it make sence what I am saying)?? Moving piece my friend.

    • thelordreigns gold member
      August 6, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Yes, what you are saying makes so much sense. I lost my ow Dad when I was 6. He died of cancer but the hole he left still affects me to this day.


  • AshliiAsphyxiation
    August 6, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    amazing xx


  • Talking Toni gold member
    August 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Spot ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Your words are both profound ans true. Babies are like sparkling diamonds to treasure worthy of both life and our love...and there are those who place no value on human lif ean insist babies are not living beings until a certain point but they have lost that fight because it has been medically proven through advancing technology such as ultra sounds that baies are alive and viable frm conception. But your words to resound throughout America because since roe .v.wade, we have slaughtered over fourty million precious babies. So while we are killing our future, Radical muslims are pro-creating the way God intended all of us to do. Thanks for provoking this thought in me tonight!!!!~~Toni~~


  • azure85 gold member
    August 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Very meaningful poem, which can mean so many things-from abortion and termination of life, to ignoring a child given as a gift from God. Either one is a neglect of a child, who is a special creation given to bless us. Very good use of form, and a great message in your poem.


  • Creatress silver member
    August 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    nice work

    wow this is beautiful and moving.
    Nice work and keep it up
    good luck in the contest...
    Creatress


  • katscradle
    August 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    A POWERFUL PIECE

    beautifully written has a lot to say great work thank you for sharing this and good luck in the contest

  • Acidanthra
    August 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Good poem!

    This is absolutely astonishing!! I love the images that were bound tightly in a beautiful frame. They spoke to my body, mind, and soul....

    I also love how the poem was pieced together. My eyes joyfully sensitized each and every word as I read it....

    I am a very empathetic person, so each poem that I read, I can feel. I felt absolute accomplishment of taking my time to read this poem...

    Great Job!!
    Good luck in the contest!

    Cith...


  • Number 13
    August 2, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Wow this is absolutely beautiful!
    Sorry I changed the contest :/


  • penquinpoet
    August 1, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    The thing you notice is how the first part is uplifting moving forward and into longer lines with the rawer parts moving into shorter lines downward. This works so well. How sad this all is- is not left unnoticed by your words. Realism is so unfortunate a truth.

    I think it worked very well. The effect of a baby bump was very uniquely special. Picking the best words must be hard to do, as I have never tried one of these I can still see that there is difficulty beyond what other poems contruction are to the poet.

    Love the tissues on the side as we cry out for those that never had a chance at life.

    Penquinpoet


  • quantumsurveyor
    August 1, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I liked both the form and the sentiments in this thoughtful poem, so, thank you for that. I must note, though, that the line: but evil hides inside neglectful men, is a touch unequal to us blokes. I think the term "men" as applied in the old way - meaning mankind, is now defunct and unused. Also I guess that the decision to terminate a life is taken by the mother not the father in most cases. I think this diminishes an otherwise excellent piece. Warm thoughts frrom,
    Donald

    • thelordreigns gold member
      August 1, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      I used the word deliberately for the same reason I used the picture of the father. I am not saying it is the man's fault or the man's decision that a life is terminated. I am saying that the father should be involved (not neglect his responsibility) and I pray that more men would protect the unborn life.

      Thank you so much for the comments!

      Hugs - joanne


  • Arkbear gold member
    July 31, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    This is sad to inform you...........

    ......however....even though this gorgeous

    D. Etheree was one of the best reads,

    I can't allow this such an award when these

    lines are off on their syllable count..>>>

     

    held in safe wombs with welcome ( 7 )
    for small bodies craving attention ( 9 )

    An excellent write with the shape

    of a pregnant woman....very clever ~

    I am sooooo sorry ~

    This is why I provide the link on the contest page ~

    I truly am sorry ~

    Bear ~

     

    • thelordreigns gold member
      July 31, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      It was line 8 and 10 - line 10 had 11 syllables! The total was right - just my counting was wrong - I was concentrating on getting the form. I fixed it I think....

      • Arkbear gold member
        July 31, 2007

        Edit | Reply

        This is hard for me......

        .....but once an entry has been Judged, it's finished ~

        I hate to do this to a Poet....but that's the way it has to be in a contest such as this ~

        I will go to bed thinking about this....trust me ~

        It was an incredible entry ~

        I am soooo sorry ~

        Bear ~

        • thelordreigns gold member
          July 31, 2007
          Edit | Reply
          I understand. It is my own fault for waiting until the last minute to enter this in the POM!

          This form stuff gets addicting!


  • pattyann4500
    July 31, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    What more can one give than life? This is a wonderfully beautiful etheree, Sis, and there's a good lesson for those who question. Hugs, Patricia


  • Whoochi gold member
    July 31, 2007

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    EXtremely well done, am not a form person, ahve not learned it yet, but this is absolutely amazing...sad, heart tugging and gut wrenching as to often happiness stolen from these precious gifts...well done..."seared consciences" well thought out...Best of luck!

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