Ever want to make a friend,
and end up with an enemy
they all end up that way in the end,
Guess alone is the way I was meant to be
Ever want to learn something new,
only find out the world is the same, cold and cruel,
And still there is nothing you can do,
Trying just shows you for a fool.
Ever want to be together,
find some purpose to life, // And do more than subsist
but find your misery is forever,
And that death is a good end to the strife. // And find you have no reason to exist
Ever just want to be,
Be held in somebody's heart when it's done,
I know I won't be but an unwanted memory,
I might love myself, looks like I'm the only one.
I see now, why people drink,
I see why people smoke,
I like to say I'm too strong for it,
but I see why.
It is clear now, why people cut,
It's clear why people cry,
I like to say I'm above it,
but I see why.
I get why people hate themselves,
deface themselves and erase themselves,
I like to say I'd never try,
but I'd hate to lie.
Author notes
Companion to "Alone in this World", that kind of day
Hey, let me know if you like left of slash or right of slash better (lines 10 & 12)
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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It is clear now, why people cut,
It's clear why people cry,
I like to say I'm above it,
but I see why.
That and the last stanza got me. Yes, we can see why people do it and its not fun to do it either, because i would be lying if i said that i didn't try to erase myself too, but this poem was great in my opinion. Also heh now i also see why people beleive in God. Anyways, this was great.
....Simply Me♥ -
Very gutsy and admirable for you to admit that. It's similar(at least in the beginning) to a piece I'm working on now...about being alone, trying to make friends and ending up with enemies. Feeling like you were simply meant to be alone. Its a terrible feeling and i really related to your words.
I am not personally a big fan of too much rhyme, especially end rhyme...but if thats your style then thats fine. The One thing I would definitely consider changing is the part where your rhyme life with strife...its a bit cliche and will make your piece seem more amateurish (coming form an amateur here lol).
Altogether this piece is very straightforward and relatable. Great concept!
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Ok, I was reading it, thinking, interesting poem. Good first stanza, heartfelt, etc. Ugh, he rhymed "life" with "strife" I hate it when people do that. But not a bad write...and then..BOOM...You hit me with that awesome ending. Those last four lines make the whole poem! Wow.
What about "I know I will only be (or be only) an unwanted memory" instead of "won't be but" You actually have a double negative in there that says you WON'T be an unwanted memory...sorry, I'm probably the only person who would notice that... :-)
overall, I'm glad you shared this. -
nice write
I like how you lead the reader to believe that you understand reasoning behind acts self loathing, but you don't self loath and probably don't act in a way that portrays self loathing;however when the reader reaches the last 2 lines you tell them, i've done this stuff, and wish i was above it. Nice work, keep it up.
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Great
I love this poem. It was a surprise ending.. it made a little thought in my head tick. -
Wow I have to say right off the back I love how you ended it. It was actually a surprise. Very short but great poem. I liked it alot.
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You have without a doubt stirred the very recessess of my mind, heart and spirit with this piece. Thank you for sharing your words with me and best wishes to you. Keep that quill dipped in ink and ever ready for use.
♥ Touchof1der -
This is a very well written write Glad you can see why people do things the way they do and that you are stronger not to . I have come to learn these facts as well. Excellent Write Find A contest Win Some Trophies with this one
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this is a well written poem!! you thought out each stanza well!! i love how you explain that even if you think you are better or above the ache your not!! and your actually hidding behind it!! my 2 fav parts..
"Ever want to learn something new,
only find out the world is the same, cold and cruel,
And still there is nothing you can do,
Trying just shows you for a fool."
this stanza is very true ana it just speaks out!!
"It is clear now, why people cut,
It's clear why people cry,
I like to say I'm above it,
but I see why."
idont know what it is mabie ast experances in my life but i really liked these lines!!! and the last stanza was amazing as well!!! nice job
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Wow! I sincerely hope this was a fictitious write. But even saying that, too many people go through this kind of pain and torment each and every day. I, for one, am grateful for any happy moments and always try to stay positive.
The best part of this poem for me was definitely the last verse, sums up the whole poem in a way that makes me think about how I lead my life. Enjoyed this poem. Thank you. Julie.
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Great POEM!! it is so... true. it really makes sense.
after i read your poem;;
now i see.
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I really related to this poem . I think relationships are all but a scam .
"I get why people hate themselves,
deface themselves and erase themselves,
I like to say I'd never try,
but I'd hate to lie. "
that last stanza is so enlightening to you and where you are in relation to your piece . We get to see you're point of view - nice touch .
Thanks so much for the read - keep penning !
~ glass fingers ~ -
very good
your imagery portrays reality as you see it
which is a unique literary talent, for sure
i like the way you started the each verse, with a question
but, then in the ending, you wrote of learning, growing
by scriting your knowledge of the situation
great read -
Beautifully penned words flow here. This is an eye opening poem. It gives the reader cause to think as one reads through the lines here. Thank you for sharing and best wishes to you. Keep that pen handy dear poet. ~Midnight Lace
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Wow...the ending was extremely powerful. "Deface themselves and erase themselves" flowed beautifully. Great work, thank you for sharing this incredible, emotional piece of work. Keep it up
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Excellent
I really like this one. It is how i feel alot of the times too. This is the kind of stuff i write my poems about too. good job.
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"I get why people hate themselves,
deface themselves and erase themselves" Very strong words, especially when they ring so true. It is a sad thing to have to admit you understand this type of feeling, but I think that most people could relate to this at some point in their life. If not, they have been unusually blessed/lucky. Terribly depressing, but great writing just the same.
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pretty grim. competantly written tho well done
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This was a very dark and depressing poem, but it awesome! Great lines and a good flow through the whole poem!
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wow! This is a very powerful write. I like the way that this is so very true. You did a great job
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A dark thought provoking write. It seems that you have figured out some answers to questions that you had, at least it appears so. I love the last stanza and can relate to this on some level.
Great write.
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oh, and...
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"I get why people hate themselves,
deface themselves and erase themselves,
I like to say I'd never try,
but I'd hate to lie."
I loved that part.
This whole poem flows together great,
and it really makes you think too.
Maybe your title could be a little stronger though, because it doesn't really catch your attention right away.
But as far as the poem itself goes, I can't see any parts that need to be changed, at all.
Great job! :]
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