A blackened room
With just one chair
Nothing to do
But stop and stare
The walls are blank
But stained bright red
Thoughts are brooding
In my head
It's coming back
Disease has spread
But I remember
What they said
"When misery does take it's toll,
Count to ten to keep control"
One, Two
Thoughts like glue
Three, Four
Blood and gore
Five, Six
Mind plays tricks
And it won't stop
It never leaves
When I talk
No one believes
The morbid things
Just seem to stick
Slow and painful
Never quick
They stay for hours
With evil grins
Amplifying
All my sins
"When misery does takes it's toll
Count to ten to keep control"
Four, Five
Am I alive?
Six, Seven
Goodbye, heaven
Eight, nine
Still not fine
And it won't work
It never will
The thoughts are glued
Persisting still
I tried to stop
But something's wrong
It's stuck there
Like a catchy song
Maybe my brain
Is broken now
To make it leave,
I don't know how
"When misery does takes it's toll
Count to ten to keep control"
Five, Six
I transfix
Seven, Eight
They desecrate
Nine ten,
Repeats again
Author notes
July 31, 2007... This poem is about the scary, sick, twisted thought I have that I can never get out of my head. Visions of my friends and family being slaughtered and mangled in the worst ways... it scares me. But it's stuck in my head like a catchy tune. And everyone says "calm down, it will go away".... but it doesn't work.
A contest entry
- Life isn't everything, Death isn't nothing 1000+ point contest, LOTS OF OPTIONS!~Still open!!!~ by Soten-Jaganshi.
1100 points, ended September 7, 2007, 67 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - *L.o.s.t, H.u.r.t.&&C.o.n.f.u.s.e.d* by Jenana.
500 points, ended August 2, 2007, 52 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything by Madison Mary.
1000 points, ended August 2, 2007, 56 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The very best you have (ROUND 1) by Xgeekdreamgonewrong.
340 points, ended August 12, 2007, 88 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything. by Andii.
600 points, ended September 15, 2007, 48 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Many Options, Or Your Favorite Poem/Song You've Written by La Tua Cantante.
400 points, ended August 8, 2007, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Write, Write, Write!! by xCandieKissesx.
450 points, ended August 6, 2007, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Whatever Goes by AshliiAsphyxiation.
300 points, ended August 25, 2007, 56 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - dark, strange, love poems wanted here!!! by Just waiting.
300 points, ended August 22, 2007, 50 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything Goes! by Lily Skie.
425 points, ended August 8, 2007, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Options Lots and lots of options by joleahe.
420 points, ended August 15, 2007, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Take Me--♥ by adsaige.
700 points, ended September 5, 2007, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dark and Morbid by zeltria.
1000 points, ended August 31, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Write about almost anything you want. by TheDevilInYourHead.
430 points, ended August 23, 2007, 61 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dark Vs. Light I by brat prince lestat.
900 points, ended September 15, 2007, 40 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Options--Please Enter by LunaAmara.
600 points, ended September 3, 2007, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Enter any silver or bronze winning pre-write!! by freestallion.
450 points, ended September 12, 2007, 42 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 31 of 31
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Awesome, I've read this poem many times and it makes more since every time I read it.
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Wow...pretty scary write and your author's notes really cleared it up. Thanks for entering my contest.
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great write---full of emotion
that's what i like
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Good write
I think this one was worth reading. I liked the repetition, It accentuated that it keeps happening. This is very disturbing, and dark. You followed my requirements there, unlike the majority of others. I think this one is worth at least bronze in my contest, unfortunatly you broke the rules. I know it was probably unintentional, but rules are rules. I have been strict on everyone, that is my nature. Follow rules or be DQ'd. You forgot to remove your name from the authors notes. I am sorry, this is a really good poem, but I might DQ you. I may change the rule, as it serves no purpose, so don't remove it. If I remove it you know why, but for now, I will leave it. Do not reply to this, as it will be in direct violation of the rules and it will be grounds on which I must remove you. good luck (I am likely to change the rules.) -
Promise...sing
Considerable potential behind this poem whose strength could perhaps be reinforced through monochrome replacing the pink font with white ...
a couple of rephrasing suggestions :
Perhaps for
Thoughts are brooding
read
Thoughts darkly brooding
______
Perhaps for
"When misery does take it's toll,
read
Where misery would tocsin toll,
______
Slow and painful
Never quick
They stay for hours
Slow pain sad cowers
Never quick
It stays for hours
_______
And it won't work
It never will
The thoughts are glued
Persisting still
I tried to stop
But something's wrong
It's stuck there
Like a catchy song
Maybe my brain
Is broken now
To make it leave,
I don't know how
Why won't it work ?
It never will
Thoughts reel beserk,
Persisting still.
To stop I tried,
But something's wrong,
It's stuck inside
Like a catchy song
Maybe my brain
Is broken now
To ease the pain,
I don't know how
_____
HM and bronze trophies reflect more upon the contest holders' collective inability to read between the lines, or the latters' short attention spans, than upon the poetic potential of this variation on a theme whose quality far exceeds that of most entries on AP IMHO
. Rewarded 8
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Thank you very much for your advise
: )
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We are always taught to count to ten before saying anything we might regret when we are angry - gives us ten seconds to calm down and try to cool down too. Somehow this sounds lyrical in a way.
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this poem is... not just intense and involving, its haunting. its unsettling! the simple beat of the counting is so effective. i loved this.
. Rewarded 4
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So sad
I think at times we all have some type of visions that blows our minds mine is a vision of me clawing my face off with my own fingers but I keep it pushed so deep its getting more faded everyday. No one knows what causes the visions but even there are times when I go to bed I tell myself no no no over and over again just to go to sleep. Like I said you cant dwell on those feelings you have to get your mind busy on other things and push those thoughts away even if its just for a little while .
. Rewarded 8
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really goo
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This is an interesting piece, very focused and intense. It flows very well. Peaceful wishes to you.
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wow
was gonna say "extremely intense" but it was taken...very very deep...strong words that capture powerful feelings....hope u figure out a way to get rid off these scary thoughts (or mb u already have by writing them out) -
Very intense.
this is a very intense and sad poem. Emotionally I can feel the sadness and anger throught it. It is not awkward and should not be changed. I have no favorite part it is all equally good. The title works with this poem. the first line draws you in, and the last line goes with the theme of the poem. Good poem. -
Well *reads profile * Amanda, this is...well it is one of the best writes I've read so far, I love how it rhymes throughout, you make it seem so easy. good job. *truly twisted, I love it
*
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I thought it was wonderful, reminded me of myself. But is the line They stay four hours, suppose to be They stay FOR hours? I was just wondering.
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OH... yes that is supposed to be what it says, thanks for pointing that out, it's changed now.
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Well to be honest, I don't think it would be fair to consider you for the contest. I mean you have entered it into more than ten contests before that, and I would prefere to award my points to those who actually took the time to write something new.
Thanks for entering anyway. -
Mmmm...
Not exactly sure how it related to my contest, but that you for taking you time to enter your poem, and I wish you good luck. Though the poem was interestingm dark, and a revealing glance into your head. Which, in my opinion, is an honor a writer bestows on their readers.
Good Luck!!!!! -
Very good.Different,but good.I like the 1,2 and that part.Thank you and good luck!
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Wow. This poem is very good. You've done a great job with this and should be very proud. Thank you for entering and good luck in my contest.
. Rewarded 4
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wow!
this is a great piece!! sick and a little twisted but i like that. i really like the rhym you have. you did a great job with this piece! thank you for entering my contest and good luck.
. Rewarded 4
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nice good luck
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I love this poem. But it is quite desturbing. It is still good though. Nice imagery and vocabulary involved. Good job! Bravo and good luck in the contest!
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"When misery does take it's toll,
Count to ten to keep control"
harder to do then you have pen,
no matter what counting to ten
and then I must do it again
. Rewarded 4
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This is great, I loved this poem, it was very intersting it reminded me of this really old horror movie that was accually really good, anyways good luck! ♣♠
Andii -
this is really good!! i like the rhyme too. thanks for entring
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That was so awesome! It's rare that I find a poem that flows as well as this, especially since I'm somewhat picky. The rhyme was brilliant too, it never seemed forced at all. The actual subject was something I haven't seen before, which is also rare.
In short, brilliant.
. Rewarded 6
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You always amaze me with your awesome poems. This is a very catchy tune indeed, it really is excellent. It flows beautifully, great description and rhyme...what else can I say! Take care and good luck in the contests xx
. Rewarded 4
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Hmm. The poem itself was stunningly written. I clicked on the contest because I was interested. Haven't written anything yet, but I read all the entries. This is by far the best one entered. It had an awesome flow, and the rhyming was good. The Author's Note was creepy, though.
Good luck in the contest!
Write on.
~*~SP~*~
. Rewarded 6
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creative i like it.
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Wow. That was....morbid. Though I suppose it was meant to be. In short I loved it, good kuck with the contest!
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