Swallowing Bubbles
&& Hiccupping them back out
Catching them in our throats
Then retching && heaving them
Till they pop out as shiny and round
As the new ones being blown.
Blow – Swallow – Retch – Repeat
&& we can dance in bubbles till your slit eyes turn circle.
You’re wrapping your mangled bubbles
Around my “love” bitten neck
&& Telling me to
Swallow --
Harder
Swallow WHAT harder?
Your fucking lies that are like
POW
A punch in the face and stomach.
Knocking me onto the stone filled floor
Cutting into my hands that tried to support me
THROUGH ALL YOUR SHIT.
Holding the weight of your sinking lips
In two hands that can barely stop me tripping over.
I appear to be failing at “Swallowing Harder”
On your words that just float
Through one ear &
Out of the
Other
I stopped listening a while ago dickhead.
So you can take them words
&& Shove them
Right back
Down
Your fucking throat.
Retch on that.
I can think of something else you would want me to swallow.
&& Let. Me. Tell. You.
That's not happening either.
Author notes
So.. Yeah :]
I'm kinda angry.
Infact.
I just broke my pencil.
YES i'm THAT strong.
A contest entry
- "Felt" poetry. ONLY by shirk.
1500 points, ended October 8, 2007, 110 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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haha wow
i can't even break a pencil
seriously
but anywho...
i love this!
its very good♥ -
Excellent, focussed anger. Sometimes when writing angry pieces, we can so easily go right over the top and loose track, often blowing out and writing ourselves to a standstill, but this piece avoids that and stays directly on target throughout.
Good write and congrats on gold.
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ooohh someones getting in a Stef mood...nasty.
I loved the last couple of lines... They sound like something I'd come out with. Please come visit the people I hate and we can shrink them down to size together and I'll help you out, too.
Nasty stuff... -
you poem is much to long to be in this contest, sorry
A hint for you, angry poem art very well written, I have to say that this could use some editing -
When the wolfish lust hides beneath the lamb like innocence of love, blood will be shed and hearts will be devoured.
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I like this.
It's going on the finalist list for now.
Cheers.
-
Haha! Fire!
I absolutely love this...Such passion, such spark, such fire! I just love your anger in this poem...although i wouldn't want to be on the recieving end...anywho...fantastic write. Good Luck!!
-
I stopped listening a while ago dickhead.
So you can take them words
&& Shove them
Right back
Down
Your fucking throat.
Retch on that.
I can think of something else you would want me to swallow.
&& Let. Me. Tell. You.
That's not happening either.
Omg bbydoll
this poem rocked
it kicked major ass
woot!!
go you!!!
:]
♥♥♥
-
I stopped listening a while ago dickhead.
So you can take them words
&& Shove them
Right back
Down
Your fucking throat.
Retch on that.
I can think of something else you would want me to swallow.
&& Let. Me. Tell. You.
That's not happening either.
i liked this
-
bravo, bravo, im speachless, this was so full of angst this is book marked without a doubt
-
I hope you get the pencil out of the keypad quickly it could start a fire. Great expressions venting your anger. May he rot in the stench of his mind and his words stuck in his throat unless of course you still love him but i'd take this as a no. Fantastic job
-
"You’re wrapping your mangled bubbles
Around my “love” bitten neck
&& Telling me to
Swallow --
Harder
Swallow WHAT harder?
Your fucking lies that are like
POW "
Love your writes doll.
I've had this with a guy, they always want more from you don't they?
Then they get girlfriends. Lol.
Brilliant write hon.
The bit I copied is my fav part
Just so.. honest and true and very powerful!
Great!
x--Lullaby
x
-
O.O
EEEEEP!
So you can take them words
&& Shove them
Right back
Down
Your fucking throat.
Retch on that.
*Offers you an internet cookie as a peace offering* Don't hurt me.
I do love this though, angry yeah, but not mindlessly though, you still maintain the poetry of it.
-
"Swallowing Bubbles
&& Hiccupping them back out
Catching them in our throats
Then retching && heaving them
Till they pop out as shiny and round
As the new ones being blown."
Such vivid imagery!
"You’re wrapping your mangled bubbles
Around my “love” bitten neck
&& Telling me to
Swallow --
Harder
Swallow WHAT harder?
Your fucking lies that are like
POW"
WOW.
AMAZING.
I love the "love" bitten neck portion too and that Pow works perfectly.
"Cutting into my hands that tried to support me"
I like how you used the word "try".
"sinking lips"
Great adjective.
Wow, this is amazing so far.
"In two hands that can barely stop me tripping over."
Mm, you allready used hands once. It's repetitive and beats the flow.
"I can think of something else you would want me to swallow.
&& Let. Me. Tell. You.
That's not happening either."
Wow.
I can feel your anger. =X
Haha.
This was great though, I love it!
When you actually have emotion driving your writing, it's so much better than when you just write.
I mean,
all your stuff is wonderful.
But this is amazing.
"YES i'm THAT strong."
Haha. I'm sure you are.
Just kidding.
But anyways,
Stunning job! <3 -
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Wow.. Thanks :]
That's a comment and a half.
Yeah, I know what you mean about the hands bit.
I'll try and change that.
Thank you so much :] -
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Haha, no problem.
I LOVED this one of yours.
It was great. <3
-
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