my head hurts

my head hurts, like i've been ramming it up against a wall too many times

i haven't been sleeping well for well over a month

and i'm busy saving someone from the realities of her life

to distract me from my own

the truth is i am terrified

i don't know what is coming next

i still have a very fresh wound in my heart

that reminds me everyday that the man

i thought i loved no longer exists

and now i'm getting i'm so sorry messages

from people who stopped caring about me years ago

how the hell do they know what is going on?

and why do they even bother pretending?

and there's this guy i'm kinda seeing now

he has a way about him that i can't describe

he makes me happy and when i'm with him

i forget what a fucked up life i'm living

and you know what?

instead of being happy about it

i'm scared shit-less

i can't help but think about

how wrong i've been before

and how i opened myself up for pain

so many times before

and then i wonder how long

how long it will take him to hurt me too

and i can't help but think

i want to run away

i can't handle the fact

i can not trust my future

i'm so fucking tense

i need to calm down

to let loose

and not hold back

but the moment

i let go

is the day i except

my feelings

and how soon

he will let go

and hurt me

again