ripped out yawning hole
can't stitch together the ragged edges
burning chest
empty head
hollow i lack my filling
sucked dry
crumbling falling apart
where did it all go
when did it all leave
why am i so numb
there are no answers
not to the why
the when
the where
but i can't make myself forget
the who
Author notes
Written by mendacity
The no punctuation rule just about killed me, by the way.
A contest entry
- Shooting Stars and Eyelashes by bird-mad girl.
1000 points, ended September 10, 2007, 18 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
constructive criticism please
Comments
-
This is different from a lot of pieces that I've read so far. I like how yours is about the aftermath of what used to be. The feelings that you have now verses the feelings you used to have when this person was still in your life. I also like how you used those feelings to start this piece out, it made me think of darkness and only being aware of the pain and misery you feel. Then I like how you moved into the confusion of how this could have happened and not finding a reason to any of the things you ask. And the ending, it was delicious. There is something about it that I just LOVE.
xoxo
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