She walks like she has it all,
and all around grins are bestowed upon her.
Some leer, stare or are mezmerized,
others do nothing, but are secretly jealous.
I would kill to have those mounds, one woman thinks.
Still other's comment on "those hips" and "those thighs."
No matter who sees her, the intial impression is wow, she is... beautiful.
A few weeks later she lies in a hospital bed, surrounded by machines.
Her body is devoid of fat, literally sticks and bones.
But regardless of this fact they still say she is gorgeous,
and who they want to be.
Her beauty is killing her in starvation's subtle ways,
yet she is a role model...
they can't see...the irony.
A contest entry
- The Laughs of Society by bloved.
550 points, ended August 2, 2007, 28 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - GIVE ME YOUR HM FOR A CHANCETO WIN GOLD by esroddo.
450 points, ended September 21, 2007, 14 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrite Heaven by Heavenly Angel.
700 points, ended March 27, 76 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 38 of 38
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Well stated
It's a sad thing when young girls (or any age for that matter) think they have to maintain some kind of "image" to be noticed and all the time, they're literally killing themselves
A fine sharing; thank you for being part of the contest -
such an ironic true story! congratulations on the trophy's I believe that you will win anonter few with this brilliant piece!
role models... so much to say about them, once you put them on a pedestal they hurt you... anyway. well done
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LOLA...
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Wow, this is very ironic, but so true of today's society.
You really drove the point home with this poem because it's something all women struggle with.. the desire to be perfect and beautiful. If only they could see that they are all perfect in their own way...
"Her beauty is killing her in starvation's subtle ways,
yet she is a role model...
they can't see...the irony."
I loved the ending, it was very sarcastic, almost.
Great write! -
Yep. Funny huh? No, it's not funny. It happens more than we think, and it's awful. These girls are already dead, and it's not enough. I think you should work this out some more, this would be a great realistic read, show what these girls have to go through, to get better.
I think this is a very important message, and I hope you can reach a few.
I hope so, anyway.
Blessings,
Jin -
this is really nicely done. the whole idea that she is a role model is what struck me the most because its entirely too true. i've known and know several girls who've suffered from eating disorders and it hurts so much to watch what it does to them, whether or not they get physical help, the emotional scars will pretty much be there forever. i'm not angry at the models though, they are suffering from the same disease because some agent/designer tells them they are fat. its those people i'm upset with.
anyway, enough with my random opinions.
"Her beauty is killing her in starvation's subtle ways"
i love that line
everyone wants to have whats killing those who have it
"But still despite this fact they still say she is gorgeous"
i got kinda tripped up by the "despite this fact" and 2 stills in one line though, but thats probably just me
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very beautiful, i felt that it lacked a little in the beginning, but the line
"Her beauty is killing her in starvation's subtle ways, "
Is brilliant and amazing and just that line alone deserves a gold trophie!
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It is sad that the world view those who are anorexic and thin as a twig beautiful. I agree that this is messed up. Thanks for writing this.
~Beauty is a matter of opinion, for all are beautiful in their own way.
~Himura Kenshin
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A poignant look into what we
all think is 'beautiful'...
By the response I see, you
have sparked a little fire
that should continue to burn
in the minds of everyone.
WW -
ah yes..... This really.... yes.
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Yeah, it is true.
Unfortunatey. Why can't people see that trying to look good at the cost of one's health isn't worth it? And besides, some of those girls don't look good at all, they are disgustingly thin.
This was a great poem. I think it illustrated the subject very well, and I'm glad I took the time to read this.
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Very true
This is how it is I think, among the super models.
To see them so thin and to hear someone at the same time say "look at how beautiful she is!
That pees me off.
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Ironic beauty
I was emotional touched by this piece. I am on the other end of the spectrum with an eating disorder. I tried to re-read with out the emotions and it just did not work. That is a positive thing. You did an amazing job on this and I felt such sadness because society is blind to the unrealistic weight expectations set for women. The story you told is so important. Thank you for sharing! -
This piece has a very good message. It is well thought and well written. The structure is good, the flow is good. I enjoyed reading this. It rings so true of our society and its standards of beauty issues.
"No matter who sees her, the intial impression is wow, she is... beautiful.
A few weeks later she lies in a hospital bed, surrounded by machines."
The transition here is so creepy. I like the twisted nature underlying. The things people will put themselves through to be beautiful. Self decoration is one thing, self mutilation an entirely different ball park. Well written!
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good message in this piece.
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Thank You...:f
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haha i can't help but laugh you know? the line 'i would kill to have those mounds'. yeah i see the irony. this is cool.
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I think the message here is a bit confused. You describe a voluptuous beauty in the first stanza, and in the second an image of emaciation. I do appreciate the message you are putting forth, and feel it needs to be heard. Thank you for the entry and good luck.
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Ironic in deed congrats on the trophys and good luch in the contest second chance at gold
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"they cant see...the irony." - "cant" would be "can't".
Some people just can't see past physical beauty, I know people who are like that, and there's not much one can do but tell them they are beautiful inside, and out.
a nice poem that you have written here.
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I see the irony only to well... Wonderful poem. Thank you for sharing it.
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I know this piece is humorous, but I thought it was sad. It is so true it hurts. I think you wrote this so well. I know that it could be rewritten and fine tuned, but I don't want to tell you that, or that is all you will think I got out of the piece. I really thought the message was deep, and probably felt by too little of the world. I wish more people would understand something like this. Great write.
Much Love
Carrie
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I can appreciate the sentiment in the piece, but I do feel like it could use a bit of tightening.
The beginning seems a bit wordy and if it were reworked slightly, I feel it would be a bit stronger.
This unfortunately happens all the time, it is a shame what some think is beautiful -
very true... lol
incredible how the world is sometimes!
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Excellent message .
However it doesn't come across as poetic when read aloud . ( at least not to me ) but you know the old adage : different strokes for different folks
How true this rings , to so many out there . I think this is an inspirational piece in the aspect that it can make others think about how we perceive others !
Thanks for the read and congratualtions on the wins !
Best of luck in the rest of them !
keep penning
~ glass fingers ~ -
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This is a huge present problem in our society today. I know that I and others I know experience this all the time. I loved the way you grasped the idea and formed it into a readable poem.
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Its amazing how many women intentionally harm themselves so that the can fit into what society and what they think everyone else wants. I wish there was a way to make them see that as long as you love yourself and are happy with yourself that is all that truly matters. Wonderfully penned.
midnight lace -
Wow... This is amazing. It flows together perfectly and the last line is the perfect finishing touch.
It speaks to ones soul and can truly place a smile on their face. This is the kind of poetry society today needs.
Keep up the good work.
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THis made me smile.Very much.It is a very great poem.And i love that last line...what an irony? I agree. I felt good about this poem,I mean it is so very true and I would say many girls should read it you know?
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This was a good write. It really made me smile. It flowed well. I like the last verse. Keep up the good work.
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wow.
as a recovered anorexic I can say this poem was frightening.
It is so honest and true and just so easy to read it hits hard.
I knew a girl who this sort of thing happened to. Her name was brittany. everyone said she was so lovely, so perfect, and I wanted to be like her. She became very ill and did not get help till she was near death.
I just love food to much to let that unrealistic body image take hold of me anymore.
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A very well written poem but so sad You see so much of this in todays culture.
Thank you for your entry and good luck in the contest. -
It's very ironic. Well done for being brave enough to discuss society, many just sit back and react how others do, who secretly think the same as you anyway. It's awful what some people will do just to fit in / look beautiful... isn't it?
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Very impressive write
I love this write and your words are what life is about. We only see the outside of some ones beauty. But we really don't see maybe the sadness of her inner self. Sometimes the most beautiful and perfect picture are the ones with the most flaws and imperfections. Outstanding write. Thanks for entering
LISA
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beauty and the waste very sad indeed. Thank you for entering the contest and best wishes.
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This has already won a trophy...that means DQ...and DQ cuz not mean dairy queen as a reward for your trophy...it means what you get when you don't read the rules.
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thanks for reading the contest rules, and thank u for this exelent entry, society is so confusingly stupid..ahah
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wow...this was bone chilling...and pretty sad...its so sad how woman look to these supermodels..like they are prefect....
Thanks for entering...this truely was a great piece
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