We could sit in the long grass
swaying in square patterns like our picnic blanket
that itched our soft skin
gliding together as we blow bubbles into the sunlight
churlishly giggling
sending whispers of grain along the back of our necks.
In the cinema I squeezed your hand
and my heart was popcorn
exploding in its kernel and ricocheting off my atrium.
In classrooms we glanced
then our eyes sped away into that place where you held my hand and never let go.
We could do all this with teeth shining
And our breathe warm on our skin
like we were synthetic radiators
glazed in our own kisses.
We could do all this.
We Could.
We tickle each other on the sofas until it hurts,
and we sit comfortable as we watch t.v repeats,
but the giggles are now from mocking
and I ache from the time we used to spend just smiling.
Our insides our dusty,
My heart lays stale waiting for you to love me as you once did.
The clouds outside drip sullen tears
as we gaze at house rooftops.
We do all this with our lips turned like clothes hangers,
our breathe smoky in the cold air,
like we are candle ends
smothered under carbon dioxide.
Author notes
moonshinesuicide
A contest entry
- Shooting Stars and Eyelashes by bird-mad girl.
1000 points, ended September 10, 2007, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Wonderful imagery.
Best of luck.
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I love the last stanza. The whole poem is a beautiful demonstration of how love can shift and change from that first happiness. The poem title really drew me in. It's a great read
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It is just so creative and the imagery was awesome. I love the innocence at the begining and how hard the end hit me!
-Tori-
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You are amazing when it comes to putting imagery into a poem! I swear it. You never cease to amaze me and there is always something new to expect from you.
"We could do all this with teeth shining
And our breathe warm on our skin
like we were synthetic radiators
glazed in our own kisses.
We could do all this.
We Could."
--I really loved the innocence of this part. It made me feel all fluttery inside... like hummingbird wings or something. It don't know, it just made me feel really good. And I love how in the second part you repeat 'we could'. I usually hate when things are repeated but I think that just adds an extra layer that makes that part so powerful.
xoxo
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you know
this is a little off beat but I like it. Sometimes these are the best writes.
Smile,
Judy
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"In the cinema I squeezed your hand
and my heart was popcorn
exploding in its kernel and ricocheting off my atrium."
Ooh, I LOVED that.
"And our breathe"
Breath*
"like we were synthetic radiators
glazed in our own kisses."
Oh, stunning words!
"We could do all this.
We Could."
I love the use of repeition here.
Your metaphors and similies are wonderful!
I loved this.
It turned out great! :]
Good luck in the contest <3
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not only was this like a brighttt light fading in the end it just hit hard.
&& this!:
"In the cinema I squeezed your hand
and my heart was popcorn
exploding in its kernel and ricocheting off my atrium."
is just fuckin GENUIS!
ohhh my god hunnie.. you are a talent that never quits; & i want to thank you for sharing this with everyone. [im so sorry my comments are lame] but for serious.. i love you ♥ && your images are the most unique on this site!
<3
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Hm.
I liked "and my heart was popcorn". Nice metaphor. I also liked the contrast from the beggining of the poem to the end of it. How it goes from happy to sad. Joyful to Nostalgic.
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Good point here
Yes indeed what happened to the crispness and the joy of a love once known and what happened to yeaterday when it was left alone
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Thanks for sharing this with me, i enjoyed reading this, good luck in contest,,,great job writting this one
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