And now, here we sit;
balanced precariously
on the edge of hell.
Even the chains of the
system we call justice
cannot support us now,
cannot control society.
And now, as we sit,
waiting for the wrongs
to be righted,
the caustic flames below
reforge the structure,
the very body,
of our infidel world.
Soon, very soon,
those fires will reach
on top of this ledge,
and will incinerate
anything just that we may
still hold onto.
But still, you must hold it...
Author notes
2007RC008
A contest entry
- Abstract Poetry #24 --The Orb Of Fate-- by The Cube.
1000 points, ended August 21, 2007, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - anything - prewrite by Melissa Gayle.
500 points, ended September 3, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
-
Wow loved the ending
The last line really hit me hard; I also really liked the lines "Even the chains of the / system we call justice / cannot support us now". there is a deep message hidden in this poem, so thank you for sharing 
-
oioooh this was a good one for a second reading. ill have to check out more of your stuff cause you got skills gangsta
-
But still, you must hold it...
fucking epic ending dude.
that was an amazing poem
-
An interesting piece, I would have prefered a bit more imagery but that is personal preference. I do think your message was strong and its still nicely done.
-
Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to comment this piece. I appreciate the feedback it has recieved.
-
Hell and mankinds insanity
How we speak of hell as though it was a known reality, that world is full of infidels suggests a certain devotion yet is it of intelorance that we are speaking of?
Let the heart of men guide them as they see fit for God has granted us all free will at least it would appear that this would be true for all those we call infidels.
Political, Religious, Moral oppression is the burden of mankinds perpetual battle of those who wish to control the ones that wish to ponder on the state of humanity.
I like it, I like it so.
-
Very deep and intense.
My first impression is how well you describe just what hell must be like and how badly the powers of the earth have abused thier responsibilites. Emotionally I can feel the depth of dispair you feel and the understanding of just most likely will happen to those who go on as they are going. There is nothing in this that is awkward and it is a very fine read. The title is perfect for this, and the first line couldn't be better. The last line sums this up very well. I liked this.
-
wow, excellent write. you were able to express how you felt about justice in a unique and powerful way, while still using correct grammar. bravo!
-
My first reaction, aside from thinking that the writing here was very good, was to say that I was going to refer this piece to the Raven REOs (who handle rule-related issues) to check on the possibility that this piece might constitute prose. After having read it through several times, however, I feel that would be a mistake. While your piece may be absent the sort of "flow" that we generally refer to when we think about poetry, the ideas it confronts and addresses are sufficient, in my opinion to elevate it to a more lofty status.
The part of this piece that stuck me the most was, actually, the last line. You spend so much (everything else) of the text discussion how inevitable and inexorable our fate is, but it turns out that this is just a mechanism for showing what separates us from those who live and work in your "below." Indeed, we must hold on as so many have held on against impossible odds before us; not because it is all we have ever known but rather because it is what defines us: what gives us our humanity.
This piece is absent commonplace sentiment. It is a robust and original statement of how we carry on because me must, not because triumph eventually looms. I am reminded of Martin Luther King's observation that it matters not where we stand in times of ease and prosperity, but rather that our footing be strong in times of strife. And certainly those times are upon us.
This effort is worthwhile, notable, lucid, knowing and intelligent. I am happy to have come across it. Well done.
Thank you for your entry.
~Das -
This is more about a person wrong by the justice system. The system thinks it right even when it wrong. When it wrong how does the person go on. There was a man who spent many years in prison was release due to new DNA evidence.What the publics does not know is the cost to this person for being wrong. Is only given a mere penitence to the person.The system does not admit it needs change. It the only system we have. The laws dated back to the 1900 and have not been updated thus far. Every day there is evidence the system not in control how many people die to drive by shootings. I can remeber twenty years ago we did not have as many drive by shooting. It may of happen not daily. They say the crime is worst because it reported.I think there are factors that our community are not as strong. It took a whole town to raise a child. If a child was doing wrong. A parent got a phone call or a visit by a concern neighbor.The images are strong. When we talk about justice they need to be strong. The ideas of liberty and justice are strong in our society. They are symbols of a better life. I think the question is it our justice system or the people who control it at fault. There are negative sides to our freedoms. It brought with the price of human blood.For every positive thought is a negative thought process. I think the fire you are referring to the fire that will clean up the world someday. Very strong images and can be taken either way.I do not think you are saying we are without hope. There some things we can do to make this a better place. I hope I am not referring to what you do not mean.I am saying this because I think you are trying to make things better not worst. It is very good content with strong images.I wish you the best in this contest.
-
oh my gosh Lalalove
-
The world today is often viewed as a dismal place, lacking in moral standards and human kindness and this negative image is amplified by constant input from the media, which also fails to deliver greatly on the positive issues of life. I believe there is a lot of good in the world and in the human race but we fail to see it in the same quantity as the negative issues because we don’t look hard enough ourselves to see it. This poem appears to substantiate the fact that if it’s not delivered to us on a plate, we don’t go and look for it ourselves and the words that suggest this to me are in lines one and eight “And now, here we sit;” and “And now, as we sit.” I think that to make this world a better place we have to be prepared to ‘get up and do’ something about it and not leave it to others or fate.
I think this poem demonstrates very well how we feel when the ‘system’ fails us and even though we consider ourselves to be good people as we hang on to the few just things in life and try to uphold standards for ourselves as individuals, as a group we are found to be sadly lacking. The system is a chain and as such is only as strong as the weakest link but when the chain breaks it can be repaired but it takes time, patience and willingness to do it. Many readers will associate with the concluding line as we grasp the tiny vestiges in the hopes that the good of mankind will come through to replace the evils of the world.
I found the work reads as prose rather than having the structure of a poem, though the flow is smooth and the topic is well considered. Although the images in this piece of work are a little cliché I think the author has used them well to reinforce the emotion in the piece.
Congratulations on reaching the final round of the Raven Contest 2007 and good luck with this entry.
Northern Raven
-
oh wowwwwie. the entire first stanza is perfection. seriously.
this is seriously intense... I'm totally feeling that uncertainty. I'm picturing those flames. very VERY well done. [& the last few lines are so so wonderfully thought-inspiring... very deep.] -
Yea, the world could use a little bettering.
-
"the caustic flames below
reforge the structure,"
Amazing line. This was excellent...vibrant, powerful imagery. Great work, keep it up man
~Kevin
-
I love it... Well done sweety...
Adding your comment:
1 - 16 of 16
